You see, my Tito Gamie owns one. (On second thought, he has many units already! Oh, but I think it's still considered one since it's on the same location, just expanded. Whatever! The point is, he was the first one to be involved in it.) He bought it some time ago, about a year or two ago I think. Apparently, it's very good business.

So anyway, he persuaded by dad to put some of his money in raising fish to hopefully earn big bucks. My dad got persuaded and he bought a medium-sized pen. Since the schedule of the unloading of our first batch of fish was last Saturday, we went there. You know how it goes, it's a family support thing.

Now, I'm not interested in the fish pen as a business much but I must say that owning one and thus getting to go there is an experience I really dig. I found it soooo relaxing—very conducive to finding inspiration and discovering family, simplicity, and contentment.

Getting There

We rode a motor boat. That was uber fun! Although the thought of the boat flipping over and ending my life a la Titanic did cross my mind, the serenity of the sparkling water and the view of a clear sky soon pushed it to the back of my brains. There's just something about nature that leaves one in awe. I mean, sure, it's there and we've seen loads of sky, water, grass, and animals before but the elements of nature never run out of that special beauty and magic that can stir special emotions inside one who bothers to forget the busy hustle of techno-driven life and actually pay attention.

Aside from nature, the company made the ride fun and made the little weekend trip very promising. I don't know if this proves that I'm obsessed with literature (the characters, the plots, and the lines) or I'm just plain baduy but looking at my sister with a bilao of biko on her lap, myself carrying three llaneras of leche flan, and the others holding utensils, rice, junk food, softdrinks, etc. I was reminded of the picnic they had in Noli me Tangere. Our little troop consisting of me, my dad, my mom, my sister, my two brothers, three of my uncles, an aunt, a few cousins, and a couple of caretakers sure had the same spirit as Ibarra and his excited crew.

After about twenty minutes of boat-riding and my gushing at everything I looked at, we got to the kubo set up beside the fish pen.

Feeding the Fishies

Do you know what fish in a fish pen are fed? Molding bread! I mean it. Yeah, as in bread that is already several days (maybe weeks, who knows?) old! I was so surprised at that little trivia. As it turns out, bakeries sell them by the sack. It's what they feed fish because it's actually the mold that fish eat. How yucky is that? But I suppose it's all good since that is the way the food pyramid works (fish/bottomfeeders---mold). Anyway, we got to feed the fish. Of course just the pa-cute for-the-experience kind of feeding because there were so many fish to be fed ergo sacks and sacks of molded bread had to be thrown into the water but all I can say is that it was great!

This is what happens if you throw a piece of bread:

1. The bread creates a ripple.

2. The fish become aware. Just a few seconds after the bread is thrown, you can see many little fishies starting to group, swimming as fast to it as they can.

3. They take little bites, in turn. Before you know it, the bread is gone.

It's so cute watching the fishies. They eat fast. They have some strategy like for example the bread is a bit too hard, the school of fish pushes it around the water until it becomes soft. And they take turns! That's more than I can say for commuters about to board a jeep or the MRT/LRT.

Feeding the Family

Of course, we had to eat too. But unlike the fish, we had a treat. We ate alimasag and fried tilapia (the tilapia was from one of my uncle's pens) with hot rice. Yummy! Furthermore, we ate in banana leaves. With our hands. So yummy! I must say, that beats eating in a posh restaurant. I loved the simplicity. No arte. Down to basics. With the complete family. Everyone just enjoying. It's a meal I won't soon forget!

Siesta by the Sea

After we have fed the fish and fed ourselves, there was pretty much nothing to do. There was no electricity. I don't know of any way MERALCO lines can be connected there. My best bet for electric sparks is a generator. But it was ok. It proved to me that I can survive without TV, the radio, the internet, and other gizmos and appliances. If you asked me if I could survive without electricity before I went there, I'd answer a dead no. I'm online practically everyday (three days away from internet is my maximum tolerance!) and I always need noise whether it be the boob tube or an FM station when I'm studying, traveling, and even sleeping.

But I didn't notice hours and hours pass by with the help of a book and my siblings. I would alternately read a chapter of the book I brought and talk or play with Ruffa, Gil, and/or Richard. At the back of the small hut, there's a little bridge made of bamboo (think Survivor!) that leads to two bamboo benches with a thatched roof overlooking the sea. It was there that I read and we exchanged stories, jokes, tickles, and teasing.

Realization (Okay, maybe not realization as in the sense of whoa! realization but semi-realization and semi-reminder, a good one):

My family is amazing! I love them to pieces. No exaggeration! I'm really blessed to have such a wonderful family. Sure, Ruffa can get loud and annoying sometimes. Richard is an addict to Ragnarok. Gil can be so frustratingly quiet and unable to decide sometimes. And there are some instances when I feel that my parents are like judges with all their orders and verdicts. But all those are just sometimes. They're the petty stuff. They're not really important.

All the time Ruffa and I connect in a special sister way. Even if we have different tastes, we always have this common 'like.' I don't know how to explain it. But I guess that's the thing about it, we both can't explain it. We're just connected like that.

All the time Richard is sweet. Ragna and basketball yabang aside, he's soooo easy to get along with. Seryoso, sobrang dali niyang pasayahin. At magaling siyang magpasaya! Tsaka ang sobrang bilib ako, sobrang dali at sobrang bilis magpatawad. He has no sense of pride, at all.

Gil has always been my favorite! On quite a lot of occasions I want to hit him in the head and tell him to go work it and have some passion and don't be so shy but when I think about it, I do like his personality. Even if he is my exact opposite. He is always kind, always giving, always patient, always understanding, and just always there for me. He may not be as showy as me or say, Ruffa but actually, he has proven to me time and time again that he'll go the extra mile for me and for any one from our family. I must admit too that there's an extraordinary high to have enjoyed spending time with someone without the two of you talking the entire time. That's the way it is with Gil.

My parents, well sometimes I forget but my mom and I / my dad and I have a relationship most kids ache to have with their parents.

My mom owns the hand that can comfort me when all hell breaks loose, as they often do in my world. Plus, we have a fashion sense that match too! We're like blue jeans and a white shirt. One can never go wrong with the combination. How many daughters can say their mom is the best possible fashion adviser and personal shopper?

And my dad, oh what we have is really something. He's my mentor and partner-in-crime at the same time. I love everyone in my family but he's really the one I have a swack! connection with. We understand each other on all levels. Even when we don't agree, we get and respect what the other is saying. He just really knows me as I know him. Swack na swack!

Back to Me

I can't believe how quickly and how radically I can shift from one mindset and/or emotion to the next! I am fickle. I am moody. I know, I know. But that's just me. Hey, whoever thinks I'm perfect is sure misguided. I'm clearly not. That's just me on the outside.

I know I said a couple of entries back that I'm depressed. Well, with this experience, I'm not anymore. Actually, when I think about it, I wasn't really before. I just wanted to believe that I was. Why? I myself am not completely sure. Sometimes I think I thrive on drama. Or maybe I just needed a reminder like this. Anyway, I snap out of it sooner than I think so that's good. Next time I go on one of my I-am-alone phases, just give me a good whack in the head. My life is beautiful! I am not perfect but I am happy!

Sing to the tune of the new Rejoice commercial "Walang Sabit":

"Panay sabit! Tulad lang ng iba. Puro porma lang naman sila. Panay sabit! O gaya nang dati na, GMA ay siguradong palpak. Hoy, 'di ayos ang mga buhay 'no, alam kong puro sabit sa inyo. Kaya ako... nagluluksa na ako..."

Just for the record: I always try to be optimistic about the situation of the country. When it comes to issues, my first instinct is to look for a solution instead of pointing the blame or dwelling on the sad reality. I definitely fall right alongside those who advocate and choose positive creative action above all else. What can I say? I love this country, sh*t and all. I always hope and I always pray.

However, I really must say that the Philippines making it in the most corrupt list, that Major General Garcia brouhaha, the fiscal crisis, the dead food scavengers, the labor strikes, the continuous increase of the price of oil and the domino effect it produces, and Filipinos turning their attention away from hunger towards distractions like Jasmine Trias and Judy Anne as Krystala among so many other things lead me to thinking this: Arroyo's government is puro sabit!

Jasmine and the flowers in her hair are cute. I confess that she was one of my American Idol bets. Juday isn't too bad. Audiences can see the improvement in her acting from the days of Mara Clara to the present. But like my great historian teacher Ambeth Ocampo always tells us, culture and everyday life say something. They reflect the bigger picture.

What is there to say about 2004 when we look back in the pages of history? Fiscal crisis. Garcia's wealth. Jasmine Trias. Krystala. If I were from the future, I don't think I'd want to read that page 'coz it sounds depressing. Or maybe I'll go pass the crisis and stealing and just read the item on the two celebrities.

This Krystala soap and its fame shows just how much Pinoys are in need of a superhero. I mean, how desperate do a people need to be to buy the concept of Judy Anne in a blue and white suit as the solution to their problems? It's the same for other media creations-Jasmine, Sandara, that Bilog ang Mundo quiz show, Star Circle and Starstruck and all those other star things (so many of them!). They don't just mark the development (or regress, as some would argue) of the entertainment industry. They reflect something deeper-the typical Pinoy's growing urgency to distract him/herself from poverty and all other problems, the need to forget if only for a while.

We are a people who laugh everything off. The good side: it allows us to keep our sanity. But after the laughter, what is there? We can't just laugh everything off. If we did that, this country would stink due to the after-effects. I'm not saying that we shouldn't laugh. But I'm saying we must do something. I'd prefer a smile of contentment over the loudest laugh any day.

"Panay sabit! Panay sabit!" I can't help but think that.

In TV Patrol, a soundbite of an interview with Juan Ponce Enrile made all the reporters, the two anchors, my family, and myself laugh. JPE said this about the state of corruption: "Dati (Before) under the table. Then there came a time, over the table. Ngayon (Now), including the table."

I laughed so hard only to feel pain a few minutes after. And it was not the kind of pain that can be released in the form of bad air.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 4:01 AM

10.22.2004

RANDOM BOUT OF DEPRESSION
(a.k.a. CONFESSIONS OF A CAN'T-HELP-IT DRAMA QUEEN)

 

Sometimes I feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and just plain alone.

People hear me. People see me. But it's like I'm not there and I don't have a voice. No one answers. No one really, truly, deeply cares. It is as though I am smoke.

But wait! Before you guys start to worry about me, let me just say that NOTHING happened. No, there isn't any tragedy. I don't have a problem (at least the sense the word is commonly used as in failing grades, bankruptcy, family drift, etc.). If anything, maybe the drama queen inside of me just feels like taking over.

Allow me to explain what exactly I'm feeling...

Don't you ever feel alone amidst people, color, sounds, and festivities? You have loved-ones, many of them. But sometimes even if you are aware that there are a lot of people behind you and beside you, you just know that ultimately it's down to you and yourself. No one else. (Oh, maybe this is a trust issue. I don't know.)

Sometimes people can console you and give you optimistic advice and do things to make you happy but aside from the polite show of thanks, it brings nothing more than a brief moment of forgetting. Late at night alone in your room, the feeling of loneliness and utter desperation creeps back in.

Hmmm... I really wish I could figure out why we feel this way. It's so disturbing. Even if I have had sad moments in the past, I'm usually happy, optimistic, and strong in general, after the storm has passed. But it's different now. Maybe everything I believed in before is a lie. But then again, maybe there really is nothing going on and I'm just being paranoid.

I am seriously at a loss here.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 3:47 AM

10.19.2004

BILOG ANG MUNDO

 

While watching "Bilog ang Mundo," that game sponsored by liquor giant Ginebra in the ABS-CBN noon time show MTB: Ang Saya Saya, I was struck by how smart the contestants are.

I've always known and I've always believed that Filipinos are smart but seeing very common Pinoys-drivers, store owners, farmers, regular employees, and the like answer trivia on history, literature, science, etc. so easily and so well really amazed me.

Filipinos in general are really smart. Without bias, I can say that our race has been blessed with the wits. Pinoys excel in a lot of fields. Some even make a joke that it's precisely because everyone in the Philippines is smart that we're having so many problems, everyone has an idea that he/she holds the best and clings to.

Back to MTB, it made me sad to see the wasted intelligence. Well, sure, the winner gets Php 50,000 after beating out 99 other hopefuls but I'm referring to the waste of potential. It is unfortunate that many Filipinos are not given the opportunity they deserve.

Until the day that Filipinos don't need to join game shows as a last resort to earn money, the world will never be round. Opportunity for all, meritocracy, and justice are what we need. We have been on the bottom part of the world for too long, it's about time we go up.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 8:02 PM

HERE'S THE SCOOP

 

[Q & A]

I was bothered when I asked a friend of mine who updates her blog just as many times as ABS-CBN telenovelas start on time (close to never!) why she finds it so freaking hard to get off her butt and actually write something since she took the trouble to get a blog in the first place and she replied, "Wala kasi akong maisulat (I don't have anything to write)."

Oh, I can't describe how I felt! It's an explosive mixture of indignation, unbelief, humor, disgust, and pity. Maybe I was rash in reacting to her reason but I couldn't help it. My background and just my awe at words, at the craft, and at life in general took over me.

[HERE'S THE SCOOP]

There is never a time when there is absolutely no story. It's just not possible.

Every single moment of each day, there is something going on in the life of one of the billions of people in this big world. True, some are more compelling than others. BUT (and it's a big but though not in the good ass-sense) there is always something that could be made out of the seemingly boring story. The writer's task is to find the heart of the story-the motivation, the struggle, the drama, the meaning. There is so much going on. Even if we are made to believe that there is a logical explanation for everything in operation, the truth is that there is so much we haven't figured out. So actually, for me, it's a fundamental question-a question of perspective.

[HARD TO GET]

However, even if that's my belief, I do recognize the possibility of not being able to write anything. There is something going on out there, one just can't (as in not able) to write about it.

1. The writer cannot see the story. It happens to all of us, something great and novel and creative is right in front of us but we are blind. Talk about a wasted opportunity.

2. Some stories are hard to find. It happens that the writer is aware and does exert effort but access is a problem. I guess some people are just better in writing about certain things because the topic is close to them, because it is a part of their reality. But then again, an idiot's perspective might be refreshing. And there's always such a thing as research.

3. Other stories are hard to capture. There are certain topics that are just bigger than the writer. The words just slip away. In such a case, experiencing is enough.

4. No time-sometimes valid, sometimes plain laziness. But won't write is very very different from can't write.

[THE CHASE]

Despite all of these, I still love writing. In fact, the challenges make me love writing all the more. Why? There is a lot to learn. One learns to keep your eyes, ears, mouth, and mind open. One is asked to employ humility and patience upon recognizing human limitations. One values things more because of the sense of wonder reawakened.

Writing is a challenge. It is not easy, even for the experts. Every now and then we hit the jackpot and write a winner. A lot more times than we want to, we produce junk. But the process, all the good and the bad pieces, are part of it. One can only do his/her best and hope that one day, he/she would be worthy of the title "writer."

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 1:45 AM

10.17.2004

A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
(A 40 DAYS MESSAGE)

 

Forty days. 4-0. I can't believe it has been that long. Time has been a friend. It helped me let go and move on. Yet at the same time, I can't believe how quick 40 days can pass. It feels like it was just yesterday and the loss and the pain (at least some of them!) still hang in the air. I must say that a 40 days celebration can really bring about confused (dramatic and yet not easily identifiable) feelings.

It has been over a month since my beloved grandfather passed away. In his honor, I would like to share something I wrote in my diary the week after the funeral. I didn't have enough guts to post this back then because I felt so unworthy to say such things. I felt hypocritical making realizations and discovering truths but not acting upon them because I found it really hard to do. I knew. But that was all. Anyway, enough of that. Now is a good time.

Note: I didn't edit it anymore. I think it's more truthful and effective that way 'coz it captures my feelings back then. So a reminder, please don't be confused with the time and the context. This was a month ago. This was back in my "depressed phase."

----------------------------------------------------------

When it comes to putting life in perspective, nothing beats death. I know it sounds ironic but it's true.

Although the past week was a blur of flowers, strangers, prayers, biscuits, tetra packs, and Bible verses, I have reached what seems to be my highest level of self-awareness. I saw the person that I am and the reason of my existence. I found myself in the small things. I have gotten in touch with my being in a very real way. For the most part, it was satisfying. Knowing that I have made my parents proud, knowing that I have developed a sense of excellence, and knowing that I have created many fruitful relationships brings about a feeling of elation. However, I also saw some ugly sides of me, bad camera angles as I'd call them looking upon the lens of self-criticism. More particularly, this has to do with my academic and emotional burnout.

I felt (and actually I'm still feeling) lost, tired, beaten, unsuccessful-just really sad and desperate. It seems as if I am trapped in a quicksand. After one blow, I tell myself that things will be okay and I try to make reparations but my efforts are in vain. Each attempt only causes negative action and drowns me further in the quicksand. The blows just keep on coming and the sun is oh-so-far. To be perfectly honest, I'm starting to think that I'm not as strong, as determined, as smart, and as optimistic as I've always thought I am. This phase in my life points out to me that I am not indestructible. I can crack. I have cracked. Right now, I feel like I am nothing more than fragments-broken pieces that yearn to be brought back together. How I wish to be mended. How I wish for things to return to their order, happiness, and beauty.

All that questioning, all that sadness... and then there is this: Tatay's death. It kind of throws everything in the opposite direction.

The still strong and still optimistic although very little and very vulnerable part of me is asking: How can I be feeling this way? How can I think that I am alone? How can I be so selfish as to think that my hardships are significant?

Tatay never frowned. He never failed to see the bright side. He endured all trials. He fought and fought and fought, all the way to his very last breath. He must have at some point of his life felt this broken too, maybe even more as in seriously damaged. But he managed to put everything back together.

It's not enough that I think of him in a positive way, smile, not mourn so much, and keep happy memories. I owe it to him and to his example to do something about my situation. I'm sure if he was here with me, he'd do everything he can to cheer me up. Perhaps he'll buy me that pink popcorn sold in the streets. Perhaps he'd sing me a Mike Hanapol hit. Perhaps he'd bug me to death about smiling. One thing is for sure: he'd tell me to stand up.

I'm not very confident of my capacity to heal but I will at least give it a try. I mean, who knows when the Big Boss up there will bid me to come? Being prepared by making the most out of life is the only way. The examples of my Tatay and the others before him is a true wake-up call. I hope I have enough strength to do as I have realized.

----------------------------------------------------------

Oh my God! Reading that was um, let's just say, an experience. Oh, I was such a drama queen! Hehe... ;p But I do confess to being uber senti.

But seriously, I'm glad things are better now. I wasn't able to respond to Tatay's example and the lessons his death brought about as quickly or as effectively as I should have or I wanted to. Nonetheless, I'm sure he's proud of me 'coz I did it just the same. Not yet completely but slowly I'm doin' it. I hope when the day comes that I am reunited with him, I can say that I am one strong whole piece.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 2:20 PM

10.12.2004

LOVE AND DESTINY AND ALL THE CRAP THAT GOES WITH IT

 

I've been meaning to write something about love and destiny and all the crap that goes with it for quite some time now. (Yes, I believe that there is some amount of crap into that wonderful thing. It is real after all!) Feisty feminist that I am, I do believe in a grand scheme, its greatness, and its sadness.

Taking the cue from John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale's "Serendipity," I wonder if it's really true that small everday things connect those destined by fate. I mean, for all you know the paper that got blown to your feet down the street belongs to the one Life and Love planned to be your partner. In such a small and seemingly insignificant way, you are being brought together, brought closer and closer---one day at a time.

But then again, that entire deal raises a question about the human will. Where does fate end and the human will start? Or are they by some kind of cosmic power linked? How do two people just know? Is what the heart knows always true?

Unfortunately, I can't write my great piece on love and destiny and all the crap that goes with it just yet. Aside from the fact that I still can't find the right words by which to express such beauty and doom, I still don't have the answers. I am still in the dark when it comes to this. I'm still days (maybe months or years, who knows?!?) away but I'm sure I'm getting closer.

For the meantime, here's something I saw in a friend's blog that I think encapsulates some of my ideas.

Love at First Sight

By Wislawa Szymborska

They are both convinced

that a sudden passion joined them.

Such certainty is beautiful,

but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they'd never met before,

they're sure that there'd been nothing between them.

But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways-

perhaps they've passed each other a million times?

I want to ask them

if they don't remember-

a moment face to face in some revolving door?

perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?

a curt "wrong number" caught in the receiver?

but I know the answer.

No, they don't remember.

They'd be amazed to hear

that Chance has been toying with them

now for years.

Not quite ready yet

to become their Destiny,

it approached them, then backed off,

stood in their way

and, suppressing a giggle,

jumped to the side.

There were signs and signals

even if they couldn't read them yet.

Perhaps three years ago

or just last Tuesday

a certain leaf fluttered

from one shoulder to another?

Something was dropped and then picked up.

Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished

into childhood's thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells

on which earlier touch piled on touch.

Bags beside each other in the luggage room.

Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,

suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning

is only a sequel, after all,

and the book of events

is always open halfway through.

*sigh* Isn't it just beautiful? I mean, really.

And ain't I a sap? *Rachelle shakes her head*

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 8:26 AM

10.10.2004

SOME TIME FOR ME

 

Since my final exams are scheduled Wednesday and Thursday and I only have to go back to the dorm Tuesday afternoon, I'm staying here at Tagig. I'm just chillin', spending some time on me and enjoying the company of my family.

It has been quite a while since I had free time. It has been quite a while since I just did regular things, relaxing things. I feel all the stress go out of my system. All I do is eat, sleep, watch TV, blog, bloghop, and work on some school stuff on the side (since they're practically finished!).

Oh, I love this long weekend! Ahhh... this is the life.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 8:14 PM

10.09.2004

I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE UNDER MY FEET...

 

Did you guys feel that?

There was an earthquake around past ten last night.

Whoah! I was so surprised. At the time, I was getting ready for bed. The moment I lay down, the earthquake started. Since the bed is double bunk, I asked the person on the upper part to stop moving. She said, "Hindi ako 'yun ano. Lumilindol. (That's not me. There's an earthquake.)" Hahahaha!!! It's funny now that I think about it. But I was so in shock and panic last night! I really thought it was just the person on the upper bunk moving around.

Where were you when the quake happened? Roanne was viewing my blog and commenting at that moment. How cool is that?

Sign out.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 1:17 PM

10.08.2004

LINES THAT MADE MY DAY

 

As part of my "Rachelle Bee Happy Project," here are some snippets of conversation that made me smile or laugh this day.

Well, it's so much better live but I'll try to capture it in print.

just like me, a crazy friend of mine, whose name shall be withheld because otherwise she might kill me (we'll just call her Manas), was tired and all that from our morning cramming session. Just two hours before the actual presentation, we were still finishing up the damned thing. At one point, I go: "Ano ba 'yan? Naiihi na ako. 'Di ko naman maiwan itong lecheng ito." She agrees with me: "Oo nga, ako rin eh. Naiihi na ako. Natatae na ako. Nagugutom na ako. Inaantok na ako. Nilalamig na ako. In Sim language, I'm unhappy." Bwahahahahahaha!!!!! Tired as we all are, we cracked up! Leave it to Manas to let the barkada endure stress with her winner hirits.

I've learned of a common line another friend always utters. Whener she sees a pretty girl, a really smart person, or a maangas car, she says in a half-sarcastic, plenty bitter funny tone, "Masaya kaya siya?" Hahahaha!!!! Ganun? Bawal bang maging perpekto at masaya? Hahaha... She's so amusing.

Last thing, this is not funny but it definitely put me up there on Cloud 9. In the cover of the Chapter 2 of my thesis: "Good work Rachelle! A (4.0)" Now that's a real winner!

Oh, I love my friends! I don't know how the hell I'll survive without their craziness. And I love my thesis adviser! She makes all the stress and hard work worth it.

Additional: Later on in the day, I got my History 3rd long test and found out I got 100. Wow! Super bawi 'yun from my stinking 2nd test. And Theo! I also got an A for our long test! And I thought I'd totally blow that one!

I'm so happy. Things are finally going my way. Nakakabawi na talaga ako! I hope this positive turn of events continue up to the finals week.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 2:54 PM

UMEEPAL LANG

 

Kinikilig ako! Wala lang.

Sh*t, iba talaga siya!

*Happy happy joy joy* Just wanna share my happiness to the world!

P.S. But don't ask why. I won't tell you. Just know that I am happy.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 2:51 PM

10.06.2004

THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS

 

I changed my mind.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fickle-minded, I know. But hey, I'm a free person so it's my prerogative. Call me whatever. I really don't care.

Thing is: I can't keep it all in. I know there's still my diary and my friends but there are some stuff you cherish because it's private and then there are others you want to release, just shout out for all the world to hear. In the case of the latter, this blog is my release. And the comments do make me feel good. Some of them even enlighten me.

Just the same, I don't want to depress you. There's enough evil and sadness in the world already, I don't want to make it any worse. So here's the deal: I'll continue blogging but I'll try (as in try my very best!) to write about positive or at the very least neutral things. If ever I need to rant, I'll keep it to a minimum. Also, for your reading benefit as well as my mental and emotional health, I'll try to look at the bright side. That alright?

Okay, here we go...

1. I rediscovered one of the reasons why I love writing. For our final paper in Feature writing class, I've decided to go with a very challenging, very interesting, and very daring topic. I won't disclose details because I don't want to spoil its impact upon release in a publication (possibly Mulieris' Andromache or iATENEO). All I can say is that I'm loving the struggle. The fact that I'm approaching this from an idiot's vantage point, that the topic is controversial, that people don't really talk about such a thing, that I'm practically chasing interviewees, that there are many sides involved and thus more need for sources so that's more people to stalk, that a lot of people don't want their names down in print so I have to convince them, etcetera etcetera surprisingly don't make me frustrated. They make me feel good. I'm learning a lot. I'm getting all excited over this. This may possibly be the best (if not the best, the most controversial) piece of my writing.

One big life lesson: Not all difficult things are bad and unbearable. Challenges make you stronger. Obstacles can only lead to a better and stronger you.

2. Just like I expected, I didn't make the Unilever final cut. Of course I feel bad but my dad telling me, "It's okay. 'Twas a learning experience" cut through me. He's right. I made it this far. I'm one of the top eighty from a thousand and five hundred. I have proven that even if I am in the Humanities, I can compete with those in the Sciences. I have tapped into a possibility for my future. That's good enough for me. And of course, this means I can have some rest come semestral break!

Another big life lesson: We don't always get the original goal. But somewhere in the process of trying to get there, we realize that Life and God's goal for us may be very different from what we perceive. Sometimes, the goal is just learning something from the process. It proves to be more valuable than we imagined.

Okay, I'm done. Wow! This is probably the happiest (or maybe not 'coz I did get rejected in Unilever's final forty, maybe the most optimistic then?) piece I've written in quite a while. I'm looking forward to more things going my way and the pieces of my life finally falling into place. I ask you dear friends and readers, bear with me.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 11:13 AM

10.05.2004

GOODBYE SONG

 

I've read my past how-many entries and I realized something: I am getting depressing to read.

I don't want to depress you my beloved readers.

So, I'll just come back when I'm really truly finally okay. I guess I wasn't that okay when I came back. There are a lot of things that I still need to sort out within myself.

One last thing before I go. To Rache. Sing with me dear.

"We're tiny. We're tooney. We're all a little looney. And in this cartooney (blog-oney!), we're invading your TV (PC!)"

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 11:04 AM

10.03.2004

THE BURST OF MY UNILEVER BUBBLE

 

So how was my final interview?

I don't know. Honestly. I really don't know. Okay I guess but I can't say whether I'll pass or not.

The VP for Human Resources just threw questions at me. Quick. The questions not related at all to each other. Jump. Jump. Clarify. Cut me off. One surprise after another. It was like: pak! pak! pak! So fast and so confusing. The interview was done under 30 minutes. My first two lasted about an hour, even a little more than an hour. And I could tell if the interviewer was getting me. But I couldn't read anything with this HR VP. I guess it's an HR strategy. Oh, I don't even remember what the hell she asked me. I just kept coping with the questions, saying whatever first came to mind.

After this, I'm not really expecting anything. It's all up to God. Well, at least I gave it my best. I'm already contented with that.

Lesson: You never know what will get thrown your way. It's good to prepare but you can't always prepare. Sometimes, it's a matter of what is already there inside you. So work on intelligence, values, and skills. They are the things that will get you through anything.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 3:53 PM

AN ENTRY NOT EVEN WORTHY OF A DECENT TITLE

 

Why am I so afraid?

Why do I always hold out only to feel left out afterwards?

I know I shouldn't be this way.

But I can't help it.

I think I'm just plain looney.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 1:41 AM

10.02.2004

ACP GOOD NEWS

 

On the good side of the Alternative Class Program (ACP)...

Just promoting...

Mulieris is sponsoring two ACP classes:

1. Ka-Kosa: Discovering Life Behind Prison Bars

Class Code: HRE06

Class Type: Trip

Date: November 19, 2004 (Friday)

Time: 12:00 - 4:30 p.m.

Assembly Place: Bellarmine Field

Venue: Correctional Institute for Women

This is a trip to the Correctional Institution for Women to raise awareness through socialization with the inmates. Visit the women inmates at the Correctional Institution and have a taste of what it is like behind the bars. Learn their stories and break the monotony of their life in punishment.

2. Women In the Corporate Word: An Asset or A Liability?

Class Code: HRE08

Class Type: Talk

Date: November 17, 2004 (Wednesday)

Time: 4:30 - 6:00 p.m.

Venue: Ching Tan Room

Speakers: One from Gabriela and a woman CEO

Women are often considered as liabilities in the corporate world. Instead of seeing high-ranking women employees as assets, many business firms look at women and see the costs that have to be included in the company budget. Among these costs are reproductive health benefits and paid leave of absences that are applicable only to women, such as maternal leave. Learn about women's rights as applied to the workplace, and the truth about being a woman and successful in the Filipino Corporate world.

Please support these Mulieris projects. We promise you fun and insights.

Aside from the trip with my friends, I've signed up for the talk and together with the Mulieris core, I'd be preparing enlightening and interactive activities for the trip to the Women's Correctional.

MULIERIS

Her life. Her story. Our mission.

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 1:22 AM

10.01.2004

ACP SH*T

 

At about 2 a.m., nearly five hours since me and my friends logged in, Tintin and Mitzi were finally able to register all of us. They squeezed the ten of us in the trip we wanted. (They're the best! Well, I tried but I only got so far as the login page. Thank goodness they were lucky enough to get in the system.)

Hooray! We're all going on a barkada trip. We got:

Class Code: ENV19

Title: Over and Under: Exploring Madlum (Section A)

Speaker(s): Environmental Science Society Core Group

Date and Time: November 19, 2004 0600-1800

Venue: Area B of Biak-na-Bato National Park, Sitio Madlum, San Miguel, Bulacan

Description:


If you could be at two places in one time, where would you be? In Madlum, one minute you're up on top of Mt. Manalmon overlooking the entire Bulacan. The next minute you're down exploring the 7 continuous caves of Bayukbok. Get ready to climb, crawl, rappel, slide, twist and jump ala-Tarzan inside the caves. Water lovers enjoy a freshwater dip into the Madlum River or a nice bamboo raft ride after a day of over and under adventure. Now who says you can't have the best of both worlds?

All I can say is: It better be worth all that stress.

--------------------------------------------------

Okay, so it was not worth ANY of the stress after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About a week after the f*cking registration and all its stress, we receive this annoying email that because the ACP system had a glitch and was not able to update the counter for registration, the class ENV19 is overboooked. As a result, not all of us got in. Now they're asking us to move. Just how unfair is that? They're incompetent. They're inconsiderate. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

My friend Mitzi puts it down very well. She says, "Tama ba naman yun? Makatao ba naman yun? Yun ba ang tinatawag na MAGIS? Yun ba yung kilos ng isang MAN FOR OTHERS? Iyon ba ang kilos ng isang tunay na ATENISTA? Sistema niyo na nga ang nagkaproblema at nagkamali, pagkatapos ang pinapagbayad niyo pa ng inyong mga "kasalanan" ay yaong mga taong sumunod lang sa patakaran ng inyong sistema. Hindi kami ang kinakailangan lumipat at sumali sa ibang klase." Hear. Hear. I couldn't agree more.

They could have undertaken several measures. They could have granted us the chance to air our opinion. Goodness, I went to the trouble of emailing them but the stupid ass ACP gods did not even bother to respond. It's basic courtesy. It's part of their job. It's a moral obligation.

They just really don't get it.

Grabe, giyera na ito!

*** spat out from the mind of Rachelle @ 2:15 AM

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