GIRL INTERRUPTED
GIRL INTERRUPTED
12.31.2004
WELCOME 2005!
12.30.2004
TEST. 1-2-3. TEST.
Sign out.
12.29.2004
AISHITE IMASU (MAHAL KITA)
I have to say that I didn't expect much from the movie (or from any of the entries this year 'coz in my opinion they aren't as exciting as the line-up of the past years. Com'mon, there's Mano Po 3. How many times can you kiss elders' hands?). I thought it was just one of those "prestige projects" (you know, designed to win awards at the MMFF. They just hired big stars so it also has appeal to the viewing public). I'm glad to be proven wrong.
Set in the provinces during the Japanese occupation, it tells the story of childhood friends Inya (Judy Ann), Edilberto (Raymart), and Ignacio (Dennis). Inya and Edilberto fall in love and get married. Ignacio, a faggot, hides his feelings for Edilberto--quite desperately and quite unsuccessfully, if I may say. Things get more complicated as a Japanese general falls for Ignacio as he sees her pretending to be a girl. Edilberto joins the movement against the Japanese. Ignacio, who took the name Inya to establish female identity with her Japanese lover, was implored by friends to be a spy for them. The true Inya is caught in between. It's a drama of friendship, heterosexual love, homosexual love, patriotism, and principle after that.
The story/script was just okay. There were lots of inspired moments. For example, Dennis Trillo uttering the line, "Pasensiya ka na, hindi kasi makabayan ang ari ko" when Judy Ann questioned him about falling for the Japanese general for real is a real winner! Sadly, the script is uneven and consistent. There are times when it is absolutely brilliant and there are times when it is simply lacking.
The film's gem is the acting. Judy Ann Santos has truly become a good actress. Her years crying and crying over a lost diary, her romantic-comedy training with Piolo, her action stunts with Robin Padilla, and her drama-comedy-action-romance combo for her superhero character have proven to her advantage. God, I didn't realize she was that effective an actress.
Dennis Trillo also impressed me. He shifted from gay to straight smoothly. And his facial features are so soft and pretty, he is so natural for the homo parts. At times of great drama, he employed female sensitivity as is fitting his character. There was no shouting or exaggerated crying but the emotional scenes were so powerful with that different brand of acting.
Raymart Santiago, Jay Manalo, and Dennis Trillo had male-to-male kissing scenes. While it still left me cringing, I must admit that it was done in good taste. I guess I just feel naturally uncomfortable with such a scenario so the blame is on me and not on the film.
I give the cinematography a passing grade. The film's look really did reflect the past era it was set in. But it wasn't spectacular. The costume designers, propsmen, and venue coordinators could have exerted more effort to make the visuals look more authentic. They did enough, but just that.
All in all, Aishite Imasu is a good film to watch. I'm not sure just how successful it will be in the MMFF awards night and how it appeals to the audience in comparison to the other films but it's definitely a Pinoy historical-drama worth your movie fare.
12.28.2004
CHRISTMAS GIFT LIST
To the Shungak Barkada - matching Spongebob Squarepants flip-flops
To my two cute inaanaks - hologram Finding Nemo and Spiderman watches
To my pretty pre-teen inaanak - kikay package consisting of a blue striped bag, a blue striped belt, and blue dangling pearl earrings (blue is her favorite color)
To my mom - a bag and a bracelet (She likes 'em so much she wore them to our Christmas party and relatives keep on commenting how nice they look on her.)
I become really happy when people I give gifts to appreciate what I have picked especially for them.
Some gifts I've received that I really like:
From my dad - a Palm Pilot (The best thing about it is that I didn't even ask for it. He just thought it would be useful in my writing.)
From my mom - cash (Nothing beats cold hard cash. Hehehe...)
From my sister - makeup stuff and matching makeup lessons (Yey! I now know how to paint my face. Of course, it's kinda embarrassing that my sister is the one who taught me but well...)
From my Tita Cel - a cutesy-cutesy CD pack
From a lot of people - bags of all sizes, colors, and materials (A girl can never have enough bags. And shoes, and shirts, and bracelets, and... and...)
But of course although all of those material gifts were fabulous, love is the most valuable gift. I received that and realized how that is present despite problems.
Oh, I love gift-giving, Christmas or not.
12.26.2004
PASKO NG PAGKAMATAY AT PAGKABUHAY
Pero iba ngayon. Kung sa loob ng labingsiyam na taon ay pinakaaabangan ko ang Disyembre para sa selebrasyon na ito, sa ika-dalawampung taon ng aking buhay ay hindi ko ginusto ang pagsapit ng pasko. Ngayon lamang ito naging malungkot at malamig.
Ilang buwan lang nang mamatay ang aking Tatay. Isang linggo lang nang mamatay ang aking Lola Meng. Kaya nga, ang San Pedro family at ang Ocol family ay naghihinagpis pa nang dumating ang pasko.
Mahirap makisaya sa kabila ng pagdurugo ng puso. Para bang ang bawat buong pamilya na may buhay pang mga lolo at lola ay insulto sa akin. Parang ang bawat paghahanda tulad ng mga nagkikislapang ilaw, mga bagong damit, at mga masasarap na pagkain ay tampalasan sa sariwa pang alaala ng aking mga pinakamamahal na kamag-anak. Kulang talaga kung wala sila.
Gayunpaman, sa diwa man lamang ng pasko at dala ng pagkapit ko sa optimismo ay nakisali pa rin ako sa mga paghahanda. Ibinili ko ng regalo ang aking mga kapamilya, kaibigan, at mga inaanak. May kakaibang tuwang hatid sa akin ang pamimili para sa kanila (siguro dahil sa hilig ko talaga ang magregalo at hilig ko rin talagang-talaga ang pagsho-shopping, super!). Nakisali ako sa pamimili at pagluluto para sa Noche Buena. Dahil nagsa-South Beach Diet ako ngayon, wala ang kinasanayan na naming fruit salad. Kapalit nito ay naghanda ako ng baked tahong. Bumili rin kami ng chicharong bulaklak, barbeque, pizza, fried chicken, at maraming-maraming prutas. Kami ng sister ko ang nagtayo at nag-ayos sa Christmas tree at iba pang dekorasyong pang-pasko. Medyo pa-simple nga lang kami ngayon. Kapalit ng tradisyunal na pula at berdeng kombinasyon ay ang mas tahimik ngunit mas eleganteng blue-silver.
Nakisunod nga ako sa mga pagsasaya at tradisyong pang-pasko. Subalit, wala ang aking puso dito. Ang mga dating sobrang nagpapasaya sa akin ay parang nakakadagdag lang sa pagdadalamhati.
Lahat ng ito hanggang sa mismong araw ng pasko.
Simula alas-otso ng umaga hanggang alas-singko ng hapon ay nagdiwang kami ng mga Ocol sa Lakeview. Mula naman doon ay dumiretso kami sa San Pedro party na alas-dose na nang matapos.
Medyo iba nga sa mga nakaraang pasko. Halata sa lahat ng kamag-anak ko (lalo na sa mga San Pedro dahil ilang araw pa lang ang nakakalipas nang magsama-sama kami sa lamay at libing ni lola) ang kalungkutan. Siguro nahalata ko talaga ito dahil sa sobra ang effort at pagpapakita nilang eksternal na masaya at maayos ang lahat. Halatang itinatago nila ang nasa loob nila. Basang-basa ko ang ganoong kilos nila dahil ganoon din ako.
Pero actually, mas kumportable ako sa ganoon. Sawang-sawa na kasi ako sa mga sobrang nangungulit sa akin tungkol sa nararamdaman ko sa pagkawala ng malapit kong lolo at lola. Ano ba ang gusto nila, ang umiyak at umiyak na lang ako? Kahit naman iiyak ko ang lahat ng maiiyak ko ay walang magbabago. Hindi naman sila tatayo sa kanilang libingan at mabubuhay muli. Sawang-sawa na rin ako sa mga sobra kung sumubok na pasayahin ako. Ano ba ang gusto nila, ang idedma ko na lang ang mga pangyayaring malakas talaga ang epekto sa aking buhay? Hindi naman nila alam kung gaano kahirap magpatuloy at bumalik sa dati. Hindi nila nararamdaman ang nararamdaman ko. Kaya nga, mas nagustuhan ko ang pagtrato sa akin ng aking mga kamag-anak. Naroon pa rin ang pakikipag-isang loob pero natural, walang pressure. Alam kong makakausap ko sila at matatakbuhan sa oras na gustuhin o kailanganin ko. Pero hindi nila ako kinukulit. Alam nilang dapat masaya ang pasko kaya sinusubukan nilang maging masaya kaming lahat.
Nagkaroon ng masarap na kainan. (Grabe, dami kong nakain! Buti na lang sa South Beach Diet eh ok lang kumain ng marami basta ispesipiko sa kinakain.) Nagbigayan ng regalo. (Ang dami kong gifts! Bongga! At tuwang-tuwa ako na super na-appreciate ng dalawang baby boys kong inaanak ang hologram Spiderman at Finding Nemo watches na bigay ko! Sinuot na nga nila kaagad.) Syempre may kantahan at sayawan (Mawawala ba ang rendition ko ng Material Girl? Of course not! At nag-duet pa kami ng daddy ko sa Don't Cry Joni. Syempre, pinakita ko rin ang pagka-party girl ko.) May inuman din. (Pero konti lang ang ininom ko. Bukod sa bawal sa South Beach eh nakatingin kasi ang mommy ko. Alangan namang magpaka-tunggera ako. May iba pang okasyon para riyan.) May pila sa mga ninong at ninang pati na tito at tita para sa aguinaldo. (Super bawing-bawi ako sa maraming gifts na binili ko sa laki ng napamaskuhan ko. Hehe...) Picture Picture galore rin kami ng mga pinsan ko. (Say cheese! Oh pose, by family, by age group, by friends, by this group, by that group, by all groups you can imagine... Camwhores talaga! Hehe... Alam niyo na ngayon saan ako nagmana.)
Hindi ko alam kung kailan partikular na nangyari. (Parang mayroon pareho sa Ocol at San Pedro Christmas celebrations.) Hindi ko alam kung paano. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero basta nangyari.
Naging masaya ang pasko sa kabila ng mga pagkamatay na hinarap namin. Hindi pa rin syempre nawawala ang kalungkutan at pangungulila (Aba, hindi naman basta basta 'yun! Mahal na mahal ko syempre ang lolo at lola ko!) pero parang naisantabi ang pangit na mukha nito kahit sa ilang sandali. Ang magandang kalahati lamang nito na puno ng pag-asa at pagmamahal ang nagpakita.
Pasensiya na at wala akong grand explanation o deep insight. Ito lang ang maibabahagi ko:
Mahirap mamatayan. Mahirap maging masaya kapag may problema. Mahirap ipagdiwang ang pasko gayung maraming kawalan. Pero buhay. Buhay talaga ang pasko. Buhay na buhay. Buhay ito dahil ang pasko ay pagmamahal. Hindi naman namamatay ang pagmamahal. Wala namang alam na kakulangan at problema ang pagmamahal. Kahit ano, kaya. Ayos ang lahat. Kailangan lang na maliwanagan tayo sa kung ano ba talaga ang importante.
Iba talaga ang paskong ito. May halo mang pait (at konting anghang pa nga!) ang tamis at tuwa sa paskong ito, masasabi kong ito ang pinakamakabuluhang pasko ko hanggang ngayon. Ito ay isang pasko ng pagkamatay ngunit isa ring pasko ng pagkabuhay.
12.24.2004
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
12.23.2004
MY ONLY REQUEST
Please give her a warm welcome.
Love her as much as we loved her.
Let her feel at peace in her new home with you.
Sincerely Yours,
A granddaughter who can do nothing but ask this of you
12.19.2004
LIFE IS A ROLLERCOASTER
I've been very happy at first. With my thesis finally completed, I took the time to kick back and relax. I had uninterrupted Rachelle time for about four days. Actually, that's the reason why I stopped blogging. I was simply having too much fun with real life. But you know what they say: happiness doesn't last. A bad thing will rouse you, quite rudely, from your sweet and calm slumber. That's what happened. The rug I've been standing on had been pulled out from under my feet, without warning, without the slightest consideration. Quite literally, my world has been turned upside down.
It's funny how major changes in your life can happen in a span of a few days. I feel like I'm a sort of joke to a higher being up there.
Allow me to relive the rollercoaster that is my life, for a week and a half at least. Take a ride:
December 9, 2004 (Thursday) "From Footnotes to Foot Spa"
I was glowing with happiness and brimming with pride as the printer conked out the last page of my thesis. Seeing my hard work get hard bound in all its 154-page-glory (I cut down a little from the original 170+) gave me a great deal of fulfillment.
As I don't have classes on Thursdays, I got my dad to give me some "reward money" and I got my mom to go on a shopping trip with me. From 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., we did the rounds--Greenbelt, Glorietta, and even the Christmas Bazaar at AIM (while waiting for my dad so we could all go home together). I bought a few tops, some accessories, and a really cool, really big (travel-big), really stylish pink Gucci bag with lock. In addition, we even managed to squeeze a foot spa. I just love the smell of peppermint in my feet!
December 10, 2004 (Friday) "Super Senior!"
On that Friday, I really felt like a senior. That was when the thought of finally graduating in a few months and with honors at that dawned on me. Sure, I've felt it before but it has never felt that real and that near as in that moment. Maybe it was because my day consisted of passing my thesis to the department (that gives it a formal it-is-done mood), filing my resume at the Placement Office ('coz that was the deadline), and getting my graduation pictures (You really think "This is it!" when you see your formal graduation shot printed 5R).
December 11, 2004 (Saturday) "Portents"
In the morning, I was all like "Well, hello good life!" Another round of shopping, this time at Market!Market! (Check it out! It's a really big new mall in Tagig which offers a great variety of yummy food!), served as a preview of my Christmas vacation days. I bought eight pairs of Spongebob Squarepants flip-flops for myself and for my friends. Di 'ba astig?!? Terno-terno kami.
But in the afternoon, my aunt texted my dad that my grandma has been brought to the hospital. We cut the shopping and rushed to Medical City. I felt relieved upon finding out that it wasn't anything major. They just had to clean up my Lola Meng's intestines because she has been having a hard time disposing of the dirt herself. My dad asked that she be confined for a few more days so that she'll get stronger with dextrose.
I don't know but I felt queasy seeing my grandma there. Lying on the hospital bed, she looked so thin and frail. So unlike the grandma I know! She was a strong, intelligent, and empowered woman doing all sorts of leadership and civic activities. I sat beside her, held her hand, kissed her, and tried talking to her. She was responding to my gestures but she found it difficult to speak. She just looked at me a lot, nodded, shook her head, and squeezed me. In response to my invitation for her to put the medal on me come graduation day, she just said, "Tingnan natin kung malakas na ako." And she's usually very affectionate with me, she says all kinds of sweet stuff to her favorite grand daughter. But this time, all she said was, "Thank you for the visit" when we were leaving. Everything she said was said with much pain. I left the hospital relieved (probably 'coz I tried to convince myself that everything was ok since the doctor said so) but feeling a nagging deep inside ('coz I knew something was wrong).
December 12, 2004 (Sunday) "Feeding the Fishies"
We went to the fish pen and spent the whole day feeding the fishies and communing with nature. As usual, that relaxed me a lot! Tito Gamie's bangus(milkfish) are so cute to watch. They're already big and there are a lot of them in the pen. When you throw a piece of bread, you can see them all swarming over it. Our fishies are still a bit shy 'coz they're still young. And I guess the recent typhoon made them a little scared to go above water. Still, they're growing well. I fed them a lot.
By the way, my dad suggested that I save up and buy a small pen. They can put a pen in the area right before my dad's. It can only hold about 20,000 fishies but that would bring good profit. I can just expand the area and add more fishies upon getting my earnings. Seems like a good idea! The only problem now is saving up to get capital. Looks like I'll have to stop my shopping urge. Now that won't be easy.
December 13-15, 2004 (Monday-Wednesday) "Vacation Mode"
Since it was already the last week and I was already well into vacation mode with the R&R I got the days before, I was just really drifting.
I was just bouncing for the remainder of schoolyear 2004. My brain has been getting some exercise with our teachers trying to squeeze in one more paper, one more test, one more quiz--all those one mores that feel like too much. My one mores:
* Bible Quiz - Genesis I-III, Exodus I-VI (Really now, of what practical importance is memorizing Moses' genealogy?)
* Philosophy Long Test - Ang Pagprepresensya ng Banal bilang Mysterium at Mysterium Familiare
* Western Literature Paper - The Pros and Cons of Media Carrying the Cultural Weight of Education instead of Literature
* Literary Criticism Paper - Defamiliarization as Present in Arturo Luz' "Reclining Figure"
Those four one-mores stretched my already dormant brain.
December 16, 2004 (Thursday) "A Truly Eventful Day"
First Phase a.k.a. Richard's Birthday: 
Second Phase a.k.a. News about my Lola Meng: 
Third Phase a.k.a. the rest of the afternoon: 
Fourth Phase a.k.a. Picnic with Friends: 
In General a.k.a. the Movement of my Mood: 
So many emoticons. I know. Well, so many emotions. The birthday of my brother Richard + the death of my beloved Lola Meng (due to heart seizure) + picnic with my barkada at a heavenly-lit Bellarmine field. Happiness + Sadness + Comfort. You do the math.
I'm not ready to talk about my lola's death in great detail just yet. The emotion involved there is so strong, I'm not sure if I am big enough to contain it. But don't worry, I will share. You all know that writing helps me sort the things inside my head out and to let go. Watch out for Eulogy #2. But not now. Some time soon. A few more days or after the burial maybe.
December 17, 2004 (Friday) "Tired: Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually"
Last day of school and thus last "sige na nga, tiisin na" classes. Last one more submissions and thus last brain stretching. Last early mornings and thus last simbang gabi at Dela Strada, it's gonna be Napindan Church afterwards.
Last hurrah with friends in the form of a Christmas dinner party at Mitzi's and thus last sweet friendship moments, Magic Mic singing, overstuffing with food, and feeling some Christmas spirit even if sad.
December 18, 2004 (Saturday) "Going Home"
I went home to Tagig.
My grandma (from my mother's side, obviously, the only one still alive), my family, my other relatives, and I went to the Garden of Memories to wish my dead grandpa (the one I wrote "Eulogy" for) a happy birthday and to wish him happiness in his new home up there.
I went home to the San Pedro family house where my lola's wake is. I still cannot believe she was taken away from us, that she is already gone. It has only been three and a half months since Tatay passed away and now Lola is gone. With only one grandparent left, I'm hoping I don't have to write Eulogy #3 any time soon.
Okay, that my friends is the end of the rollercoaster ride.
You might be wondering about today. Well, you know that moment when you've just gone down from the rollercoaster and you are still disoriented? That's now. I still don't know what to do, where to go, and how to feel. I'm just going through this hoping for the best.
Ain't life really a funny and absurd combination of highs and lows? I realized all of that in just 11 days.
12.06.2004
GOODBYE TO NGARAG DAYS
The cross that I have been carrying since the first semester has finally been lifted off my shoulders. I must say, it feels really really good.
At 12:10 in the afternoon, I have officially submitted all five chapters of my thesis. Five chapters, three case studies, 171 pages total - all written down. This is cause for some major celebration.
Though I'm technically not off the hook just yet (there's still the revision and the defense), I can breathe easy now. All those sleepless nights, uneaten meals, eaten but not tasted meals, pile of books from the library, and articles galore have finally amounted to something great. Tapos na ang pagka-ngarag!
Hello again, world! I'm back from the dead.
12.02.2004
WANTED: BRILLIANT IDEA FOR THESIS AND MY MR. DARCY
(ALRIGHT, WILL SETTLE FOR A BLOODY DRINK)
How I'm yearning for a bloody margarita. Smooth. And sweet. and hot. Okay, will settle for tequilla sunrise. Brain is so dead. In need of alcohol. Or a cute guy. Maybe both.
Thesis break. Took quiz to find out my ideal mate. Knew the answer. Pretty much. But took it just the same.
Am finally over bad boys. Orange is coming back in a week. Did I mention that? Did I also mention that I don't give a crap? Bloody assh*le! If only he wasn't that sexy. Stop! Pardon the dementedness. It's a conflict between the head and the heart. Quite unresolvable.
Oh, yeah. The quiz.
You would definitely be happier with the sensitive, awkward but dependable type. You know that instant attraction doesn't always mean lasting happiness.
Okay, I'll ask you people. Just for the fun of it.
a. Daniel (equivalent: Orange) - irresistable. strong attraction from the very first moment. bloody brilliant. sexy. but bad.
b. Mark (equivalent: Yellow) - a bit shy. but cute. in love with me. and methinks i like him too. mysteriously sexy. good. but a bit too safe.
Solve the bloody problem. Ms. Jones signing off.
WALANG PASSSSSOOOOKKKK!!!
Salamat po Lord. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna finish my thesis and have it ready by tomorrow kung may pasok. Thank you, thank you. Grabe, akala ko aside from walang tulugan ay magpapakamatay na ako para lang matapos.
Pero sana naman walang masyadong masalanta. Dear Lord, keep all Filipinos safe and sana hindi maging masyadong grabe ang bagyong ito. Sana more of preventing hassle dahil sa floods and possible danger lang itong suspension of classes na ito.
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GIRL INTERRUPTED
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