GIRL INTERRUPTED
GIRL INTERRUPTED
7.30.2004
ON HUMANITY AND MORTALITY
There is so much to do.
There is so much to think about.
There is so much to write about.
There is so much to say.
And so I find myself uttering many many lines;
words tumble out of my mouth, one after the other.
There is so much to do.
I find myself working, and working, and working.
I feel like a wound-up doll sometimes.
Life can seem to be a series of mechanical actions at low points.
There is so much to think about.
I find myself thinking all of the time.
I think sense.
I think nonsense.
I think, and I think, and I think.
There is so much to write about.
Yes, I do find myself writing.
I find myself doing that a lot.
My writing has already taken up so much...
so much paper,
so much blog space,
so much memory...
just oh-so-much.
Maybe too much.
I find myself doing this and that.
But against the volume and the greatness of things to say, things to do, things to think about, and things to write about, I cannot find myself.
I cannot contain it. I am much too small. I am but human. I am inadequate.
7.29.2004
MAJOR CAMERA-WHORING
A.K.A. POST-AEGIS
Warning: Major camera-whoring up ahead!!!
(RACHELLE, RACHELLE, AND MORE RACHELLE)
What's Going On?
A Feminist Statement
My Bestfriend's Wedding:
"Don't marry her. Marry me!"
Marilyn Monroe
Bitch Goddess
(my personal favorite ;P)
THE SHUNGAKS FOOLING AROUND
Me and the Original Shungak, Chattie
Shooting for the Stars / Charlie's Angels (Me and Bloo strike poses a la Cameron, Drew, and Lucy)
7.28.2004
THE OLD TIMES
I reminisced. Thinking about the times we were just newbies in the Ateneo, seeing how now we're all ready to leave, and realizing that so much has happened in between - they leave a bitterweet taste.
I miss those days. But how glad I am to have come so far.
ON PEOPLE
In the morning, I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 for History class. After that, we were shown Spellbound in Feature Writing class. Then in the afternoon, I hit the mall with my roommie and we watched Imelda. I was dizzy at the end of the day with that visual overload but I enjoyed it. The three were all really good documentaries. They were very interesting. I didn't think they were a waste of time at all.
Fahrenheit 9/11 is about the September 11 bombing of the World Trade Center, the event that has shocked the world and has changed many lives. It was kind of radical actually. The very smart and I must say very brave director who was obviously anti-Bush suggested that the entire 9/11 thing and the U.S. war against Iraq is actually a ploy designed by George W. Bush and his allies to gain profits for their military equipment company. It showed the life of soldiers, of the victims, of Bush, etc. It was very enlightening. Watching the film made the event very real and it makes one think. That vision of the planes crashing into the building, debris everywhere, people in chaos is such a haunting sight! To think that it was actually planned by people just for power and money is truly disheartening.
Spellbound took an otherwise boring story such as a Spelling Bee and transformed it into an interesting tale of human drama by going into the lives of eight young spelling whiz kids. Spelling is more than words for these kids and their families. Spelling for them was a goal, a discipline, a way of pleasing their family, a way of fitting in, a way of excelling and making something out of themselves. It was very cute and captivating. And the words!!! The words they gave at the spelling bee were truly odd words. It's very educational watching. You'll learn a lot of new words.
Imelda was of course about the former First Lady, wife of the late dictator, Mrs. Imelda Romualdez Marcos. It gave an insight into the mind and the life of this very very interesting woman. I must say, Imelda is quite a piece of work! More than the fabulous clothes and the hundreds (maybe thousands) of expensive shoes, the thing that grabbed me about Imelda is the way she views reality. Talk about a truly twisted sense of understanding beauty, vanity, power, and service. She's so smart and good-natured and all that but she is too simplistic and wrapped up in her own little world. What a drama queen! I'm not sure whether to hate her or pity her or admire her. What a woman!
I love the line that goes, "There's a little Imelda in all of us." It's frightening to think about that since it may imply something more than a craving for shoes. Whoa!
All the three documentaries I've watched revolve around the lives of people. Actually, it is true, people are the most interesting subjects. There's always something to say about a person even if we may think at first that they are boring or just oh-so-ordinary. People have quirks. People have dreams. People have oddities. People have experiences. People have emotions. People have ideas. Different people have different ways of putting pieces of the jigsaw that is reality together and it's always interesting to see how each one does it. We are a collective puzzle.
I like people. I like talking to them, relating to them, writing about them, watching them, etc. There's always something to learn. People are special. People are people.
7.26.2004
A CALL FOR PEACE
Life would be so much simpler, so much nicer, and so much happier if every one of just stayed honest and true and loving. The world would be so much better if people said what they think and what they feel; if no one lets small grudges and/or misunderstandings accumulate into a giant mess of negative emotions; if we all listen to each other and really hear each one's voice; if we all gave more, shared more, and loved more; etcetera etcetera etcetera.
But I guess reality is just complicated. There are other things to consider. Life isn't always happy and rosy.
Still I wish things are like that. I pray for love and peace and understanding for everyone.
THE POWER OF THE MINI SKIRT
(A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE GIRLS TO PONDER ON)
* It's a fashion expression. Showing a little bit of skin flaunts some assets and enhances one's appearance.
* It's a celebration of womanhood. Women should be able to wear what they want to wear whenever they like whatever way they like. No buts and no ifs! Have fun. Choose. Do what you want. YOu are the owner of your body.
* Because it gives girls the freedom and control over their wardrobe and their appearance, it is in effect a form of assertion.
* It can be practical too. Summer is a perfect season for minis because the weather gives it a utilitarian aspect. It keeps one cool and in tune with the vibe of summer.
However, there is a negative side too. There always is a good and a bad facet to things. The mini could also be an object through which women are tied down. Through it, females can be reduced to images, to the body, to trends, and to whatever the the male perspective defines.
It's hard to explain. I can go on and on with this. But basically, what I want to say is that a mini is not neutral. But the challenge lies in shaping what it would come to mean when you wear it. Are you going to work the skirt or let it contain you?
Wear a mini. You'll see what I mean. Hopefully, you'll get it. Make the right choice.
7.25.2004
TRYING HARD TO BE ORDINARY
After hearing mass, my dorm mate and I dropped by Rustan's to buy ice cream. While we were carrying on our rocky road vs. double dutch debate, we saw Paolo Santos. Yes, it was Mr. Acoustic himself, buying groceries. Then that I-don't-know-the-title-coz-I'm-not-a-fan song that goes "Does the moonlight shine on Paris something something" played over the Rustan's radio system. As the first lines blasted over the speakers, everyone turned to look at him in that we-recognize-you-and-so-we're-looking-at-you-without-caring-if-you-will-feel-conscious-that-the-entire-Rustan's-population-is-looking-at-you way. Oh man, if I were in Paolo Santos' long and thin shoes, I'd feel really awkward. I'd want to hide myself behind the fruits. (That's where he was.)
So, what did he do? He didn't falter or wince or anything. Not a word. Not an expression. He tried to look ordinary. In vain if I may say so. Oh, the life of celebrities!
TO A FORMER CRUSH
I replay that chance encounter over and over, savoring little details. I remember your wide grin, the very warm way you said hi, and how you looked exactly the same as the days I gushed over you.
I must admit that the feelings are gone. But I must admit too that you still bring a smile to my face.
THE ROMANTIC GRAY ZONE:
TO ASSUME OR NOT TO ASSUME
We all know what that means even without the person going into details. We have all heard something along those lines before. I've heard it so much in fact that I decided to give it a name: the romantic gray zone.
The other day, one of my friends was sharing with me how she's stuck in a romantic gray zone. She can't tell if this certain guy who is showing her some signs really likes her or he's just plain nice. I think I've sorta been an expert in decoding stuff like that (at least for other people, definitely NOT for myself, I'm as dense as dense could get) that others ask me for advice. So I'll share my insights about this...
The 411: You've just gotten to know each other and you're at that stage where there's a romantic possibility. You may be exhibiting the first symptoms of like and there's a certain "magic" when you guys are together. The people around you begin to tease the two of you because they sense something going on. The guy does many little special things for you that are hard to categorize as 'just friendly-pal thing to do' or 'wanting to impress-sorta courting' type of thing. It's really hard to read into his intentions because he is not very vocal. Pfft! A lot of guys find it hard to open up. And of course, girls for their part are usually too shy to just spit out, "Do you like me?" These gender constructs are really silly. Even though you could just say what's on your mind directly and save everyone the stress, you pragmatically can't because of all these things at work. So you go along wanting to believe what you want to believe but not really giving your heart. You're afraid to fall flat on your butt in the event that he looks at you as nothing more than a friend. He goes along doing whatever it is that he does unaware that your heart is in his teeth. It's very complicated. The two of you are caught in a muddle.
The way I see it:
POSSIBILITY 1: He does like you. There are several factors that might hold him back. Some are shyness, insecurities, or just plain ka-torpehan. Maybe the relationship has reached that point where it's already very comfortable. Introducing a new element into it like romantic interest might cause it strain he doesn't desire. The guy may be scared, wanting to preserve what you currently have. Or maybe it's just a matter of time. He could be looking for the right timing. Maybe he's building a strong foundation before he finally goes into court mode. The maybes are endless.
If we accept possibility one, the logical thing to do is encourage him if you like him and to discourage him if you don't like him. Subtlety and tact are very useful qualities here. But it's as simple as that.
POSSIBILITY 2: You are over-reading. It's nice to be happy. We all want the fairy tale we have concocted in our heads to come true. But I would advise one to be careful. You can't be sure if it's just your overactive imagination casting its spell on you. So it is good to keep your feet on the ground. Not everyone who acts nicely when around you wants to get inside your panties. So delay judgment girls! Some people are just friendly by nature. You should take it like that and be friendly in return. A good relationship doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. A lot of guy-girl friendships work very well.
Summary (The Dilemma): In short, you're really caught in between assuming or not assuming. Here's the deal. You can either assume and be wrong (product: embarrassment and hurt) or don't assume and be dense (product: if he really likes you, then you pass things up). One way or the other, you are at the losing end.
Prescription (What to do): Since assuming and being dense are dead-ends, my advice is to combine the two. Things in balance always work right. Go along, be nice, and see where things lead to BUT do not assume big things early on. Maybe this. Maybe that. Maybe. Maybe until eternity. One can speculate all he/she wants. Guess and second-guess but never know for certain. You need to base your theories and emotions on something concrete otherwise that's very problematic. You are laying your heart to be trampled on. Actually, a guy telling you the three words right out is not even enough of an assertion. It's not a sure thing. Guys may admit something but mean an all-together different thing. Apart from the words, actions are important. It is the test if he really means what he says.
Use both heart and head. You were gifted with both faculties for you to make good use of them. Situations are case to case. You know yourself the best. It's you who relates to the guy. Mix sense with faith. Learn how to use your best lights. There.
That's just what this simple girl thinks. Hope it's helpful.
Trackback: Blooey - a first hand account of the romantic gray zone experience
7.24.2004
MY YEARBOOK WRITE-UP
Para sa puno ng buhay. Para sa mahilig sa pink at purple. Para sa palaging Dean's Lister. Para sa matapang at may panindigan. Para sa maganda sa loob at sa labas. Walang aangal! Para sa may sayad minsan. Actually, madalas. Para sa fashionista, kikay-nerd na magaling magdala. Para sa hopeless romantic kahit ayaw aminin. Para sa hindi nakakalimot mangbati, palaging mayroong hi at ngiti. Para sa mahilig magsulat. Para sa forever punctual at always reliable. Para sa gagawin ang lahat para sa mga mahal niya. Para sa mood-dresser, mood-eater, at basta moody. Para sa creative at non-conformist. Para sa hindi nauubusan ng kwento. Para sa kaladkarin sa gimik, anytime at anywhere. Para sa addict sa blog. Para sa hindi tumatanggap nang pwede na, kailangan the best. Para sa peminista, girl power personified. Para sa super OC. Para sa proud na maging Pinoy. Para sa sweet at thoughtful. Para sa mahilig kumanta, sumayaw, at umarte kahit wala namang hilig sa kanya ang pagkanta, pagsayaw, at pag-arte. Para sa alam kung ano ang gusto niya at gagawin ang lahat para makuha iyon. Para sa lahat nang ito at marami pang iba. Para kay Rachelle. Mismo.
RANDOM STUFF
* From the previous entry "Wrong Side of the Bed," things have gone more wrong. It rained awfully hard and everything was wet, yucky wet! My class was in CTC, a building that has truly faulty design. It's American-style open which is great for summer but really annoying when it rains. You do have something over your head but you get when from both sides as there are no walls. Argh!
* As if that wasn't bad enough, the strap of my right sandal snapped so I had to limp all the way to class and all the way home. I walked with a funny swiggle trying in vain to keep my sandal from disintegrating completely.
* I endured the rains and all that for nothing. We didn't even have a decent class. I only had two classes, History and Theology. My History teacher was absent so the teaching assistant just took over. Theology reports were cancelled and we just stayed there writing whatever we were supposed to report. What a waste considering the tuition fee Ateneo asks us to pay!
* After my classes, I accompanied my friend Mitzi as she waited for her mom and aunts to pick her up. They got caught in heavy traffic so Mitzi and I stayed at the shed for more than an hour. Maybe two. That was the little perk of my awful day. It's just so nice having deep, friendly, interesting conversations with people. We talked about anything and everything. I like talking. It helps my thinking and my writing, I am able to process thoughts and emotions. It may have been very cold but Mitzi and I were very warm inside. I love friends and good conversation.
* From our gossiping about a certain someone, I learned that people are not always what they seem. We should always give them the benefit of a doubt.
* Mitzi had a 'sighting' of her crush. It was very movie-like actually. He was out in the rain playing, totally free and there was just something organic and romantic about it. I envied Mitzi. As in, I truly envied her!!! At the moment, I missed Orange with every bit of my being. My soul ached for one sight of him. I wanted desperately to have him back just so I could have one of those spotting moments. Spotting moments ergo I see him and time stands still, everyone and everything else fades into the background, stupid mushy music plays like a soundtrack inside my head, I focus on the most miniscule of details like his clean shoelaces and a slight stubble on his cheek, I get this goofy smile that I try to suppress by biting my lip very hard, he walks by, I recover, and I become happy for the rest of the day. It's the best comfort and/or pick-me-up from a bad day. The scene gets replayed right before I sleep and I have sweet dreams. Ahhh!!! Those were the days. I really really do miss him.
* I shared that with Mitzi and she told me to get a new crush. I want to. I really want to. But somehow, I can't. I've already invested so much emotion on Orange. I had already put him on a pedestal. It's hard to find someone else to crush on because it seems like everyone fails in comparison to him. This is so pathetic but it's so true. And I can't do anything about it.
* The ride finally came but because of traffic, we decided to have dinner while waiting it out. We ate at Thai in a Box and then went to Coffee Heads for dessert afterwards. Can I just say? I loooovvvveee chicken pandan and chocolate cake, sinful but so good. And I like the ambiance of Coffee Heads. Although I don't drink coffee, I think I'll frequent that place. They have books, games, and internet. Really comfy and really artistic.
* Tita and I talked about several things including my after-college plans. I told her that it's either a) go to law school and don't marry anymore or b) get a writing job or an MA, can marry. She was laughing at my 'computations' of the years which was the logic behind marrying or not marrying. But think about it. It makes sense. Why would I waste 4-5 years in law school just to get knocked up and throw everything away? If I go to law school, that's it! So I need to decide because after that, there's no backing out. The dilemma! Tita suggests I take a masteral degree in Journalism instead. Hmmm... Choices, choices.
* I like talking to my friends' moms (Mitzi's, Mau's, and Tin's). They're all really nice and they all like me. It's nice to know that they take an effort to get to know their children's friends. And they're very open and sincere. I think they trust their daughter's with me because I am the most studious and responsible one in our gang.
Mitzi's mom is good in terms of advice. She always reminds me to live a little more and give love (at least some) attention. It's a refreshing change from my dad's "School first. No boys." lecture. Believe me, that could sound like an awful rerun. Mau's mom is a lot like my mom so I feel really at home with her. I think her mom and mine could be really good friends just like Mau and I are. Tin's mom is a very successful woman whom I admire. She's very smart and all. And she comments on how I look and things I like. I think she channels her frustrations about Tintin not being very ladylike to me. Hehe... :p But I really do like all of them. I'm so lucky to have great friends. They even have great moms. Well, like they say, "the fruit does not fall far from the tree."
* I just realized how much work I'll need to finish over the weekend. Ugh! I am declaring this weekend 'thesis crisis' time.
7.23.2004
WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
What a great way to start the day.
1. I overslept AGAIN. My first class is 9:30. Guess what time I woke up? 9:30. On the dot. If it had been just a teensy-weensy bit earlier like 9:20, I could've rushed. But seeing how I'd be late no matter what, I gave it up and I just cut class. And I hardly cut!!! Argh! I hate missing class and I'm Miss Almost Never Late nor Absent.
2. I have a bad headache. I dunno why the hell my head is pounding but it is. It's pounding really hard. It's like I got a hangover even if I didn't drink.
3. I just found out that we're going to have another group report in Theology class later today. Great! How late can announcements be? Does the teacher expect us to have Powerpoint, OHP, manila paper, or whatever produced in an instant? I can sense the stress of cramming up ahead.
Lousy lousy day. And it hasn't even really started. I wanna go back to bed just to see if I can undo it, wake up on the right side of the bed this time. But I know it just wouldn't work.
What a nightmare!
I better rush. I wouldn't want to have to cut my second class.
7.22.2004
ON NON-CONFORMITY: THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I've made it my mission to go against the crowd. Actually, I admit to enjoying the company of others. I enjoy it very much. I love my family, my friends, my classmates, the people I work with, etc. I really appreciate instances when I find people I can relate to. Friendship, love, solidarity, and unity are truly marvelous things.
Despite that however, I have found myself in several situations wherein what I believe in goes against popular belief. During those times, I have had to ask myself serious questions - pragmatic concerns on one hand and principles and morals on the other. And I tell you, it is not easy being confronted with such dilemma. It's a hard decision. But I'm proud to say that although I may have made a few mistakes along the way, in general I have kept to what I think is right and with what my heart, my intellect, my morals, and my faith tell me even if I had to pursue those things alone.
The concept of non-conformity came to my attention recently because of several class discussions. In Philosophy class, we were dissecting Friedrich Nietzsche's Master-Slave Morality. His idea holds true even today. I think it's a universal reality. There are indeed people who display master morality. They are those who value excellence, leadership, dominance, and noble virtues. Then there are the slaves - people who pay attention to obedience, conformity, emotionality, etc. Masters look down upon slaves as slaves hate masters out of jealousy and intimidation. Nietzsche argues that for a fit society, those with master morality should be allowed to prosper because they are the ones who elevate the level of humanity.
From that discussion, I formulated several insights. Nietzsche's formula for a good society is actually quite opposite to what happens in reality. Quite a number of times, slaves gang up to persecute masters. Look at Galileo. Look at Jesus Christ. Look at many radical leaders who hold the truth. The world hated them and persecuted them simply because they propose change, something new, something unbearably true. The world could not handle it. The world's ignorance planted fear inside its heart and motivated anger as a reaction.
The same theme is echoed in a play we watched. Tanghalang Ateneo's production, An Enemy of the People, revolves around a scientist who discovers a valuable truth about their island's water resource. He warns the people of the pollution problem for their own protection. However, the islanders, in an effort to preserve themselves and their island's image, refused the truth and turned against the scientist. In the end, he and his family were persecuted just for the island to be able to keep its reputation. The scientist shouts out in the end, "The strong must learn how to be lonely." Up to now, the line resonates in my ear and floats inside my head. It is so true. I remember writing before, "Isolation is a price one has to pay for non-conformity."
In Great Books class, we read and watched the movie version of E.M. Forster's A Room with a View. It was set in the Edwardian period when there was great emphasis on good manners and society. The norms and the perspective of women back then, which if I may say emanate from the patriarchal elite, were very constricting. The heroine Lucy Honeychurch had to go against what was expected of her and fight for her love for the outcast George Emerson. She broke off her engagement with the more suitable (because wealthy and from high society) Cecil Vyse. She pursued true love and found happiness bearing social stigma.
Indeed, many challenges face those who want to make a difference, those who hang on to the painful truth, those who pursue justice and the universal good, and those who want to stay true to themselves.
I just wanted to share that to make people think. What is popular is not always right. To take up the road less traveled is not easy but sometimes it is the only way to go. To those who are in that awkward position right now, needing to choose between what is popular and what is right, be courageous. Being in good terms with other people is desirable. However, ideals such as truth, justice, and altruism are more desirable, much more desirable. They are more desirable albeit they might be prove to be hard to achieve and may cause us pains. But we have to stand our ground. Remember: In the end, we only have to answer to ourselves and to God.
7.20.2004
ON TARDINESS
Of course being late due to a matter of life and death is excusable. Sickness, death, family emergency, accident, serious problems, and things like that are valid reasons for being late or not showing up at all. But as much as possible, one should notify the other party and not keep him/her waiting. We should be understanding, patient, and forgiving when the circumstance truly asks us to understand, to be patient, and to forgive. yes, there are some things it's ok to be late for but we shouldn't be late for most things. Alibis like "Sorry, I woke up late," "I was stuck in traffic," and the worst, the excuse one should not have given at all because it just pisses the person who waited for you, the "Wala pa naman yung iba eh" are NOT reasons for being late. People who give such lame excuses deserve a good whack in the head. Maybe two. Maybe a hundred. Oversleeping, being caught in traffic, and just following the crowd simply don't cut it.
Tardiness implies a lack of respect for others. A late person imposes upon the time of the one he/she is supposed to meet. He/she presupposes that the poor other guy/girl doesn't have anything better to do than waiting. It's like you deem yourself so high that the one you are supposed to meet should be honored to be graced by your presence. It may very well be that whoever it is that is waiting for you has an important duty to attend to. He/she may be doing something a whole lot more productive than the time wasted on you sleeping, waiting it out in traffic, or just hanging around.
Oversleeping can be avoided. Set an alarm clock. Ask someone to wake you up. It will be beneficial for you too as you wouldn't need to rush and be stressed running late. Traffic can be anticipated. For crying out loud, heavy traffic is a reality here. Manila is the traffic capital of the world. Estimate your travel time. Overestimate if you must. Lastly, being fashionably late is not fashionable at all. Some people come in several minutes later than agreed upon just so they wouldn't have to be there in the meeting place and wait alone. That's insecurity. It is so not cool. In fact, it is plain stupid. Nevermind that the other person or the rest of the gang (in cases where there are more than two people meeting) are not there yet. So what? Punctuality connotes discipline, respect, and efficiency. Following the crowd isn't always right. Why should you be defined by others' actions?
We can't always be punctual but we could at least try and try hard at that. Tardiness is not just a matter of time. It's an issue of respect. Respect others if you want them to respect you too.
7.19.2004
PETTY
I got into a little fight (or maybe misunderstanding is a better term? I honestly don't know. I can't look at what happened objectively.) with two loved-ones of mine. I would neither disclose their identities nor get into the juicy details because like I've said, they're important to me. I wouldn't want people thinking bad thoughts about them just because of my ranting. They're really great people. I just don't really like them right now.
So, what happened? They got mad at me over something petty. And by petty, I mean petty. It's uber trivial that it shouldn't have caused negative emotions at all! I don't know what the hell happened.
I needed to take care of something really really important. In the process, I caused them some inconvenience as they were waiting for me. But I didn't mean it at all. It was not my fault. I encountered several technical problems, you know, the sh*t happens type of misfortune. I've had to push on even if it meant I took their time because it was very very important. I had to do it. I had no choice. And they knew the situation.
But they blew up at me. I know I should have just ignored them. Negative plus negative never equated to anything positive. But I was already stressed, and tired, and harassed, and all that. I got really ticked off so I answered back. Why? I believe that when you're in a relationship with someone (any type of relationship for as long as you love or at least care for one another), you should exert more effort. There's a certain responsibility there. You need to do your part to make things work. You are expected to listen more, to understand more, to be more patient, to let things go - things like that. Especially when your loved-one is troubled. That is when you are needed the most. I got mad because they were not there. Worse than not understanding me, they got mad at me. I didn't need that. I wouldn't take that bullsh*t! So there.
It's funny how petty things get in the way of relationships. I regret what I did. I know I'm also at fault for replying sarcastically. But I can't deny that I'm still a bit mad. I'm so disappointed. I hope this never happens again and I hope things between us get better.
P.S. I don't want your sympathy, although insights are welcome. I just had to get this off my chest.
FETE DE LA FEMME: A MINI FILM FESTIVAL
Everyone is invited. Come and watch a movie. Do join Mulieris.
Mulieris. Her life. Her story. Our mission. Make it your own.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
You mean nothing to me. Nothing.
7.17.2004
PICTORIAL
My friends and I had our photo shoot today. I looooovvvveeeedddd my make-up! Ang galing nung bakla! Even without me saying what I wanted, he (or she, I don't know the proper proper noun) got it. I had lavender eye shadow and rose pink lipstick. My brows were shaped perfectly. I liked the way my hair was fixed too. The hairdresser just let my curls be, only putting a clip at the back to achieve a demure look.
So, with really nice make-up and hairstyle plus really funky poses, I thought I'd get good pictures. But NOOOOOOO... I was so disappointed. The photographer sucks. I don't like any of my pictures. I guess it's okay but the way the My Best friend's Wedding and the Marilyn Monroe shots turned out wasn't exactly as I imagined them to be. Argh! I looked like a fake Julia Roberts and a fake Marilyn Monroe. Bad lighting and he caught me at off-guard moments. And he made me put on a big smile for ALL the formal shots even if I just wanted a simple small smile. The product: I looked over-eager to graduate. Totally blushing school girl! Eeeekkk...
To be perfectly honest, I like the pictures Chattie took of me afterwards using her cellphone way better than my actual yearbook shots! What a waste of money!
RACHELLE IN AN IMAGE
What do you guys think? It's so me, huh?!?
* Created in Adobe Photoshop by Ate LaC.
Warning: Do not dare rip me off the quotes idea. And do not copy the image. It's only for your viewing pleasure. Just a reminder, I have a Commons Creative License that protects my work.
ABOUT ME
Rachelle is many things. She is...
* A feminist, not a man-hater but a believer in gender equality.
* A writer, she writes and writes. Why? Because she loves it.
* She's super OC. And we're talking super OC!
* She loves her family. She loves her friends. She would gladly give everything up for them.
* She loves fashion although she doesn't like to follow trends. One of her fashion principles is that, "Trends come and go but style is forever."
* She loves the music of The Goo Goo Dolls. John Rzeznik writes really great songs. Iris is Rachelle's favorite song.
* She thinks Alex Band of The Calling is hot. ;p
* She wants to be a writer, a lawyer, or both someday.
* She wants to build a foundation for women and/or children. And hopefully while she is still alive.
* She has a sweet-tooth. She has a bottomless stomach when it comes to ice cream, pastries, desserts, and pretty much everything that's sweet.
* She's a mood eater, a mood dresser, and just plain moody.
* She is always sleeping!!! One can never get enough beauty rest.
* She finds people-watching a very educational and a very amusing activity. She watches people all the time.
* She is an idealist who sees the world through a pair of rosy shades.
* She loves the colors pink and purple.
* She's into many different things: politics, journalism and the media, literature, music, sociology, etc.
* She's opinionated. She is because she believes that to be neutral is not to think, or not to think right. People should stand their ground.
* She loves her life.
7.13.2004
SLOOOOOOWWWWW
By the way, just an advisory. Girl Interrupted might be down for several days later this week 'coz I'm using it for my senior's page in the yearbook. Sorry for any inconvenience or whatever to my fans. Hehe... kidding. But 'regular operations' will resume next week.
7.12.2004
MEDIA SPEAK
* Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas: The Finale Sabi ko na nga ba eh. ABS-CBN aired the other tape containing the Ara-Leo ending which we did not get to see last Friday because it lost to the Ara-Christian tandem. Well, I guess the producers wanted to earn. After all, creating two endings costs loads of money. The wedding scenes for each was even specialized to fit the characters. It would have been a waste. So I guess it's fair.
It was also to the benefit of the viewers. Fans can just choose to treat whatever they want the ending to be as THE ENDING. To each his own. The two conclusions shared most of the scenes anyway except for the part where Ara talks to the guy she chose and the guy she rejected.
But I must admit that I am disappointed. Mary Anne and Christian still didn't hit it off even if it's already Ara and Leo. Kainis naman! Pero well, sabi nga ni Mary Anne, "Sa pag-ibig, wala namang runner-up." I just can't help but feel bad. I really wanted them to end up with each other.
My dorm mate commented that the entire finale is just a consuelo de bobo. Although I appreciated it despite the no Mary Anne-Christian love team, I can't help but agree. It was a consolation.
* The Studio 23 'Kabarkada mo' station ID Very hip. Very artistic. Very funny. Very studio 23. For me, the basis for judging an ID is in its ability to reflect the network's true identity and in its efficiency in bringing its message across. The wacky stunts, the glamour shots, the Wazzup Wazzup thing, Vhong Navarro's Gary V. imitation, the fab girls of F, the tadjocks, the fitness queens, the jingle - all of it came together. It is very nice, following the footsteps of its home company, media giant ABS-CBN.
* Rejoice 'Sumusunod sa Galaw mo' commercial Honestly, even though the jingle is kinda annoying, it's an effective campaign in terms of marketing the product. Practically everybody now knows the song and the matching dance steps.
I'm just not comfortable with the idea of someone finally noticing you just because of your shampoo. "Kinikilig ako! Shampoo lang pala!" says a Jaboom twin as though it's flattering. A guy who only likes you for your hair is a guy not worth liking at all.
* TV Patrol Live Prayer during News cast A prayer for the safety of Angelo Dela Cruz was offered during a news cast of TV Patrol. I think that was a very appropriate and very noble gesture on the part of the news program to show that they do not only report the news, they feel it and they live it.
* Victim: Who really is the victim? At first, I was actually amused by the adaptation of MTV's Punked 'coz it gave a local flavor to the reality-based program. Although Carlos Agassi can never be an Ashton Krutcher, the show was pretty entertaining. WAS. Now it's just plain annoying. They don't know how to judge situations well. More often than not they cross the line. The pranks are already below the belt to begin with. They're not very creative. I know we should just take a laugh for a laugh but some matters really should not be laughed at. Take for instance the hostage of Hero Angeles, the almost rape of Jen Rosendal, violence between showbiz groups. Matters involving life and relationships should not be messed with.
The television is there for information and for entertainment. We should make the most of it. We just need to remember that not everything on TV is good. As viewers, we are tasked with responsible watching.
P.S. Sorry if almost everything I've mentioned are from ABS-CBN. Kapamilya ako kahit na gusto ko rin naman ng ilang palabas sa Kapuso.
MULIERIS
Her life. Her story. Our mission.
I really don't know what to say. It was quite amazing! I am so overwhelmed. We really did it. And I mean we really really did it.
The core consists of Joyce, the founder and president, a pretty morena taking up Development Studies and six vice-presidents for the different departments. We restructured and found this set-up most efficient. Swak na swak talaga! Sobrang bagay bawat isa sa na-assign na department sa kanya. Pat from Political Science and ADS is heading Advocacy. Miam from Management is Finance. Jewel has really good marketing skills so she's our Public Relations officer. Andy Lacuesta from Psych is really smart and she's a micromanager so we placed her in Operations to take care of Secretariat and Logistics. And finally, since I was originally Internal Vice-President as I have experience in organizational development and I'm a people person, I am the VP for Human Resources. I really think it's a great line-up. We're all empowered women with different backgrounds and our own field of expertise. Now, we're just finalizing the Outreach Department and we're looking for people to join the publication which is headed by fantastic writer, my good friend Jamie Santos.
We discussed projects and set a calendar. I'm so excited!!! Our first project slash promo is Fete de la Femme or Women's Film Festival. We'll hold it for two days and we'll be showing films with women themes, famous women characters, and things like that. You can watch Mona Lisa Smile, Mulan, Mila, Elizabeth, Bend it like Beckham, etc. We got one film from each genre. We'll be holding applications then.
We have seminars lined up. I won't divulge the details so you'll have to wait. I'll just tease you a little. The first one is titled "High heels and Miniskirts: Fashion. Perception. Politics." Just from there, you can judge what it'll be like. I have so many plans. It's such a wonderful concept to develop.
We'll also have a magazine, pink and black taking after Mulieris' colors. It's going to be a cross of a stylish pop women's magazine and a very educational journal.
Those of you who want to join Mulieris, I strongly encourage you to do so. Both male and female are welcome. You don't really have to be a feminist, although it's good if you are provided that you're a good type of feminist. (Yes, there are variations of feminism.) You just need an appreciation for the femalekind and a desire to promote gender equality. We're just starting and we'll need all the help we can get.
For one moment during the FormSem, I had this unexplainable feeling. It was a mixture of excitement, nervousness, awe, nobility, etc. Watching the other girls in an animated discussion, I saw Mulieris and its vision finally happening. We could really make a difference! I'm so glad to be a part of this. It really felt like home, like it is where I am supposed to be sort of like a calling.
And we'll be having lots of fun of course. You can't put girls together and not have fun. It's impossible and unacceptable. The FormSem, our first activity that was supposed to break the ice, was loads of fun. It was like there wasn't any ice to break or maybe it melted really fast that we didn't notice. The core is so funny together. There's a strong chemistry. Women of the world, unite! So Communist Manifesto. Hehe... Feminist Manifesto, maybe? Hmmm... We probably looked like Sex and the City in Senate. And we talked a lot! As in A LOT! The discussions ranged from really serious issues down to the most mundane things. We even had an entire good pizza-bad pizza debate when we called for delivery. Haha!
I'm alloting some space for promotion although this blog is a diary entry slash promo already. Here goes...
Mulieris (Latin word for WOMAN, the only term for woman that is non-derivative from man or male). It's all about women and change. Do join. Do help.
Mulieris. Her life. Her story. Our mission. Make it your own.
7.10.2004
PARALLELISM BETWEEN WRITING AND LIFE
Sometimes, no word can capture what one thinks, what one feels, what one wants to say, and what one wants to show. Some experiences like love, admiration, friendship, selflessness, nobility, transcendence, etc. are just hard to describe. Words are inadequate just as we are inadequate to such greatness around us. It is more than who we are. We confront the dilemma of our being human. We are endowed with the capacity to learn but we are less than divine to be able to fully learn. So we take what we can get.
Writing and life are similar in the sense that they are both struggles. Sometimes, we just need to spit words out in an effort to understand. We need to just feel and let things happen, to immerse ourselves in a meaning that we can't figure out. It's hard and it's frustrating. I know. I've been there a number of times. But still, we do it. Why? Because we need to. Because it is the only way. Although it is deficient, it is really all that we are capable of doing so we hold on to it. We just hope that someday, somehow, even in a small way, we would finally be able to grasp it. Letter per letter, we hope to make sense of the great text of our life and of our meaning.
ANG MAKASAYSAYANG PAGWAWAKAS NG
"SANA'Y WALA NANG WAKAS"
Ang nanalong pares ay sina Ara at Christian, ang orihinal na magkatambal sa telenovela. Kung sabagay, medyo halata na rin na sila ang magkakatuluyan. Nung isang linggo pa lang ay lumihis na ang istorya na pabor sa kanilang dalawa bukod pa sa sila talaga ang nangunguna sa botohan. Nagbibigay ng vote updates buong araw at nung pinakita yung statistics eh medyo obvious na mananalo sila kasi malayo na yung Ara at Leo tandem. Siguro nga ay marami talaga ang dikit pa rin sa ideya ng tambalang Jerico at Kristine.
Ok lang. Bagay naman ang naganap. Akma ito sa talagang tema. Maganda rin ang pagkakagawa kahit na sa totoo lang ay medyo nabitin ako. Sa aking pananaw, mayroong ilang loose ends na sana ay tinagpi pa. Mayroong mga eksena na sana ay mas mahaba. Pwede pa sanang mas ayusin ang pag-arte ni Kristine Hermosa dahil sorry sa mga fans niya pero maganda lang siyang tingnan sa screen. Hindi siya affecting sa anumang paraan. Marami lang talaga akong napuna na sayang. Siguro mahirap talaga para sa direktor dahil sinagad nga ng buwakaw na istasyon ang pagpapaboto. Kinailangang ipasok lahat sa isang episode. Pero sa pangkahalatan, ayos naman. Ang ganda nung kasalan scene sa dulo. Artistic ang pagsasabay sa pagkanta ni Mary Anne at ang pagtakas ng tatlo. Mabuti at hindi ipinilit na itambal pa ang natira. Isang magandang pagwawakas para sa isang magandang kwento.
Nakakatawa nga kami dito sa dorm eh. Nung sumigaw si Ate Nina na magsisimula na, lahat kami sa itaas (ako, si Paula, at si Leah) nagtakbuhan pababa. Si Paula na Ara-Christian fan naiyak sa tuwa. Natatawa nga ako eh. Halos makabuo na ng dagat sa sala. :) Si Leah naman Ara-Leo dahil gusto niya si Diether. Ayun, nagmamaktol. At natalo pa sa pustahan. Hehe... Ako, Christian-Mary Ann at Ara-Leo ang gusto ko pero wala na talaga eh.
Napag-isip-isip ko nga, iba talaga ang kultura nating mga Pilipino. Ang masa, masyadong fanatic at emosyonal. Alam kong wala namang masamang intensyon ang mga tagasubaybay. Dapat pa nga silang pasalamatan dahil sila ang dahilan ng tagumpay ng mga palabas at ng career ng mga artista. Kaya nga lang, minsan ay parang masyado nating pinapangunahan ang hakbang ng mga tao sa showbiz, itinuturing sila bilang pag-aari, ipinipilit ang gusto natin. Mayroong mga hindi talaga makawala sa ideya ng dalawang magkapares kahit na kunyari na lang talaga, sa kamera na lang talaga ang relasyon. Siguro may karapatan nga ang publiko na magsabi ng gusto nila dahil gaya ng nabanggit na, sila ang siyang nanonood. Subalit, sa aking palagay, hindi ito dapat umabot sa lebel na masyado nang sineseryoso at dinidibdib. Tao rin ang mga artista. Ang mundo ay bilog at patuloy na umiikot. Ang buhay at ang tadhana ay mapaglaro. Dapat galangin naman natin iyon. Manood at tumangkilik pero huwag kakalimutang mag-isip at magbigay respeto.
7.08.2004
ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM, AND MORE ICE CREAM
P.S. I bet some of you are drooling already. ;p
7.07.2004
DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS
Our group, mostly from the SOH and hands-on type of people, had a little spoof skit of Wazzup Wazzup. Mitzi and I acted as Ding and Dong, the Ding-Dong Twins of Wazzup Wazzdown. We even had a little dance. Hehe... :) We did a 'man on the street' survey to give our reflections a feel of reality. I think it was good. Our classmates were entertained and we didn't sound so moral and condescending as we would have if we had launched into a serious discussion reflection right away. It made our sharing lessons part more effective.
One group made a very striking (and I'm sure very hard to make) Flash presentation. It looked like something you could present in a company party/launch. Seriously. The only thing I didn't like is that their discussion wasn't at par with their visual aid. I later found out that the members of the group, who were all boys by the way, were Computer Science students so that explained the entire deal.
Another group who had a Literature major as 'leader' launched into an entire historical-theological perspective. That was definitely something although I'm not very sure what that something is. Hehe... :)
The last group had a simpler visual presentation as compared to the one by the CS guys but it was very evangelical and easy to understand. I think what worked for them is that they only wrote the key terms and they showed lots of pictures. It made the points stick.
I think all the presentations were nice. I find it interesting how one could infer some things about the reporters by just looking at the type of their presentation. Along with that, the manner of their reporting told so many things. Our class is so diverse. I noticed stuff like chemistry between group mates. There were groups whose members were obviously friends. It was clear in how comfortable they were with each other. There was one group where one person basked in the spotlight while the other members faded into the background. Our group, I'm proud to say, had designated the parts evenly. It was also interesting to see the way the teacher and the class responded to the reports. Of course our teacher was attentive but I thought I saw some expressions in her face that gave away how she felt about each presentation. I wouldn't go into detail because I might get into trouble if people from my class get to read this. I don't want that. But anyway, allow me to continue. The class was less interested. The groups really had to draw their attention. Just from the number of people listening and yawning, you could tell if the group was great or lousy. I also saw several people whispering to their seatmates and exchanging conspiratorial glances when one guy launched into a high-brow information overload lecture. The presentations, the instruments used, the reactions, the speeches, the applause after each group's turn: they held so many things. It was like I was seeing metaphors in motion.
Ahhh... the dynamics of human behavior right inside the four walls of our classroom. This is why I find people-watching so fascinating. One can see that it's different strokes for different folks.
7.06.2004
THE THING ABOUT OLDER MEN
I saw Rache, my katukayo and blog friend, a while ago. We started talking. You know, it started with small talk. How-are-yous and comments about each other's recent blog entries were exchanged. Then somehow, we ended up talking about our crushes. It was inevitable actually. :) See, I have always wondered who her him is and she wanted to know the identity of the famous Orange. So after taking a vow of secrecy, we revealed the confidential names. That set it off. We went on and on with descriptions, kilig moments, and reasons why we like our crushes.
I discovered that we both like older men. My Orange and Rachelle's him are both in their 20's. They're both smart. Exceptionally smart, as in the brilliant type of smart! They're mature. They're very real.
That's when it hit me! That was it.
Many girls like older men because they possess certain qualities not usually found in young boys. Note the difference between boy and man. Of course when we speak of qualities, it's very subjective and it's best to judge on a case to case basis so I am not generalizing. It's just that age undeniably plays a factor for some traits like maturity.
So, just what is it about older men?
* They're usually smarter. In terms of education, they've already gotten a degree or are currently pursuing masteral studies. In terms of street-smarts, they are usually better than boys because life has already toughened them up.
* They're more mature. Again, the number of years plays a factor.
* They're more or less financially stable. Salary versus allowance. You do the math.
* They are more experienced (with regards to courting and handling a relationship). Young boys are usually either torpe or mahangin. More mature guys have a more mature perspective when it comes to relationships.
* The respect factor. Respect usually breeds admiration. I am not saying that girls don't respect guys their age but they usually look at them as peers whereas the older guy who is not within a girl's immediate circle of friends is acknowledged as a distinct character. He piques interest and he commands respect.
* The appeal of the 'unreachable.' We cannot deny that older men are harder to reach. And you know what they say, people tend to like things they can not have. It's the game. It's the thrill. It's the 'forbidden-fruit' complex.
I know that I can't speak definitively for the female gender and I am not speaking definitively on behalf of all women. It's just my theory. Orange is a good example. His intellect and his maturity are what attracted me to him. The fact that he's also cute and rich didn't hurt but my feelings for him were developed mostly because of his brains and character. He's different. He stands out in a crowd. He has a distinct voice (voice not meant literally). He's not like any other guy I have ever met. The good old boy-next-door types and jock types just don't cut it for me. They seem so bland. And more often than not, they've got their priorities screwed up. They're so enclosed in their own little worlds. They are pre-occupied with appearances, with hormones, with shallowness, and all that.
I guess it all boils down to perspective, to personality, and to attitude. Age molds a clearer perspective, a stronger personality, and a better attitude. But we need to keep in mind that although age and the factors I mentioned are interrelated, they are independent.
P.S. I know that I promised never to mention Orange again in that 'Goodbye Orange' blog of mine but I really can't help it so pardon me but here we go again. I did try and it worked for a while. BUT, I really couldn't suppress my feelings. You may have noticed the anonymous love blogs. Come on, we all know they were about him. So I might as well be true to myself. I don't break promises but I'll have to this time for the sake of my sanity.
QUOTING BARTHES
"Inexpressible Love: To know that one does not write for the other, to know that these things I am going to write will never cause me to be loved by the one I love, to know that writing compensates for nothing..."
Sounds stupid, I know. The thing is: I can't help it. I would like to quote the genius of literary romanticism once again.
"I know, I know, but all the same, I love."
* Quotations from Barthes' A Lover's Discourse.
QUIZ GALORE 3
How Old is Your Inner Child? Six. Hehe... What can I say? I am truly a child at heart.
My inner child is six years old!
Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole big world out there to do it in. Just so long as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my three best friends with me, of course.
What Swear Word Am I? B*tch of course. No son of a b*tch can mess with me.
Which of the Greek Gods Am I? Aphrodite. The Goddess of Love and Beauty. Really???
What Color is your Heart? Yellow. Isn't that weird??? A banana-looking heart, what the...? So distorted.
What Kind of a Girlfriend are you? Sensitive. Hmmm... I did get evaluated as a 'Perfect Girlfriend' type (me and Mitzi) by the Guidance Office back in freshman year. But I don't really see myself to be this type. I dunno. Maybe I just don't see myself as a girlfriend period.
Sensitive
You're Sensitive, and you'd like to stay that way. Sorry, listened to a bit too much Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally charged. You definitely love the person you're with, and always want to know how they're feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
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Quizzes care of Quizilla.
7.05.2004
COOLNESS!!!
Thanks Joseph! :)
Check out his reference of my work here.
DEFENSE MECHANISM
You claim that you do what you want. But do you really know what you want? You can not even tell right from wrong. You do not even know who you really are. No, you do not know what it truly means to live. You are a stranger to passion, to service, and to nobility. You do not possess strength, credibility, and responsibility. Your love is overwhelming but it is not real. Oh, how I pity you.
You resent me. You question my choices. You do not approve of what I do. But if you were in my position, I bet you wouldn't have enough guts to be half the person that I am.
Note: This essay was inspired by a discussion in Mr. Barbaza's Philosophy class about master and slave morality. I thought it interesting for a master persona to speak to a slave persona.
P.S. Don't you just hate people who, without looking at their own imperfect selves in the mirror first, condemn you and hate you in their feeble attempt to mask their envy and/or their weakness? Some part of me actually feels sorry for such kind of people. I may not be perfect but I am genuinely happy and at peace with myself knowing that I always do (or at the very least try to do) the right thing. People who can't make the same claim ought to shut up and stop bad-mouthing others.
OBSESSION
I study words. In fact, I study them too much. I turn them inside out to decipher the slightest intent. I always look for subliminal messages.
I tend to think a lot. I squeeze my brains out. I really think that I think too much. See? I'm doing it again. I can't stop it.
I analyze and I over-analyze. And most of the time I'm confused with the different analyses I come up with. It's hard interpreting but never really knowing with certainty.
Being obsessed with meaning is good to a certain extent but it can get pretty tiring. I have a love-hate relationship with metaphors. It's just that I'm deeply bothered by things I cannot understand. 'What is the meaning of all this?' I find myself always asking. I feel empty. I feel numb. I am lost. I am tired.
I am obsessed with meaning. And frankly, I do not get the meaning of this obsession.
7.04.2004
MATATAPOS NA ANG 'SANA'Y WALA NANG WAKAS'
Nasa A.S.A.P. Mania nga yung loveteams tsaka buong cast ngayon. Ang cute nila! Nakapangkasal pa talaga silang lahat. Ang ganda ng wedding gown nina Angelika at Kristine. Kinanta nila yung mga theme songs ng magkaka-loveteam na Maybe nina Ara at Leo tsaka Ok Lang ni Mary-Ann para kay Christian. Hmmm... Sino kaya ang magkakatuluyan? Ara-Leo? Ara-Christian? Mary Ann-Christian? Or baka naman yung the best, Christian-Leo? Hehe... :)
Haaaayyy... Tingnan nga natin. Kung yung theme ng telenovela talaga ang susundin tsaka maniniwala tayo sa tadhana at papangatawanan ang title eh sina Ara at Christian dapat. Silang dalawa nga ang leading sa text votes. At malamang sila rin ang gusto ng ABS-CBN management. Huwag lang sana masyadong kareerin ang pagpapaboto. Sobrang tagal at may kailangan pang-i-download para kumita sila. Pera na naman ang inaatupag eh. Kaya nga ako, kahit gusto ko eh hindi ako bumoto.
Sa kabilang banda, kung 'totoong buhay' ang pag-uusapan at mas dakilang pag-ibig (yung mapagparayang pag-ibig, yung 'kung saan ka masaya, suportahan taka' type ng love) eh mas mabuti nang maging masaya silang lahat sa piling ng kanya-kanyang nagmamahal sa kanila. May mga second chances naman talaga sa buhay eh. Kailangang saluhin ang binabato sa atin ng Diyos. Mayroon talagang mga bagong taong makikilala at bagong karanasan para sa ikabubuti natin. Kung susundin yun, si Ara ay para kay Leo at si Christian ay para kay Mary-Ann. Isa pa, mas epektibo yung ganung paglo-love team. Umamin na sina Diether at Kristine na sila nang dalawa, obvious naman yung chemistry nila on screen. Sina (Papa) Echo naman at Angelika eh talaga namang may 'past' na.
Well, ang mga nanonood naman ang magdedesisyon ng ending ng kwento kaya tignan na lang natin kung sino ba talaga ang para kanino sa mata ng sambayanang Pilipino. Nakakaloka na talaga ang soap na ito! Sa akin naman, kahit sino ang magkatuluyan eh ok lang. Sigurado namang bibigyan ng mga direktor ng closure ang bawat karakter. Basta naman artistic at literary ang storyline. Mas gusto ko na rin na hindi ko mahulaan kung sino ba talaga. Wait and see na lang ako.
Naku, dapat pala maaga akong uwi sa buong linggo na ito para mapanood ko ang huling mga episode. Bwisit naman may pang-gabi akong klase.
Hay... kakilig talaga ever! Napapakanta tuloy ako.
Kung 'yan ang paraan upang landas mo'y masundan
Kahit ilang ulit ako'y iyong saktan
Hindi kita maaaring iwanan
Kahit ilang awit ay aking aawitin
Hanggang ang himig ko'y maging himig mo na rin
Kahit ilang dagat ang dapat tawirin
Higit pa riyan ang aking gagawin
'Di lamang pag-ibig ko
'Di lamang ang buhay ko
Ibibigay sa ngalan ng pag-ibig mo
Higit pa riyan aking mahal ang alay ko."
- Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas, Sharon Cuneta
Karagdagan: Para sa buong titik ng kantang "Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas" ay pumunta dito.
TNT PAR-TAY
A.K.A. MY BASAAN 'DEVIRGINIZATION'
I had managed to escape the first two years with the help of Mother Nature. I got my period during the third day of ORSEM 2002 and 2003. I attribute it to all the stress. But I was thankful 'coz it served as a pretty good excuse. Who would wanna hose down a girl having her first day of menstruation? Aside from pity, the vision of blood was enough to freak the guys out and guarantee my safety. Then for this year, the basaan didn't push through because of unfortunate incidents involving some volunteers. Who would wanna have fun splashing around when people were in the hospital? It's just not right. So I escaped again (although I would have gladly volunteered to be the first to be soaked in exchange for the victims' safety).
Tonight, I went to the TNT party: One Night Stand. Sidenote: Just bragging, I was the one who thought the title up. It's so apt for TNTs. Hehe... :) And it goes with the pajama party theme. Anyway, as I was saying... The TNTs just couldn't let this batch go without the basaan. It is tradition after all. The venue Burgundy was perfect for the wetting intentions. There was a pool. After the program and the awarding ceremony, the guys started tossing each other into the pool. And I mean TOSS! As in dip you whole! Undergarments and all. Then they threw some girls in and it soon it became one big swimming party. Staying at the sides and making frequent tago trips to the restroom managed to leave me dry for quite some time.
I really thought that I was going to get out of it. I didn't even bring a change of clothes because I was confident that I could hack it that one last time. I was wrong. So wrong.
Chinkin laid eyes on me, saw me dry, and that was it. He started pushing me towards the pool. Cong helped him. The two of them carried me and I couldn't do anything. My screaming, pleading, and physical protest were of no effect. It was a lost case. They were just too strong for me. Actually, pardon me, but at the moment the word rape crossed my mind. So, that was what it felt like to be overpowered and to be defenseless... I tell you, it's not a good feeling. I hate the vulnerability! But that's just me seeing metaphors in everything. *bleah* Back to the story, they threw me into the pool and with one big splash: voila, record broken!
As if that wasn't enough, I got thrown in a second time with Birdie on top of me. We crashed into the water together. So cold. So freezing cold. But Birdie and I had a laugh over it.
So that's the story. That's why I am still up writing this blog at past one, almost two actually in the freaking morning. The minute I got home, I had a long hot bath because I didn't want to risk getting sick. Sa panahon ng THESIS (yup, that's thesis in replace of krisis though medyo similar sila, they both evoke the feeling of doom), BAWAL MAGKASAKIT! I'll just wait for my hair to dry in a while before I catch myself some zzzs. So tired.
But alright, I admit, the whole thing wasn't bad. In fact, I'll say this despite myself: It was actually fun. Hehe... Ayan ha, di na ako virgin sa basaan. Masaya na kayo? Haha. :) What a way to say farewell to TNT!
Here's a picture of us 'Wet Wild Girls.' Hehe... ;P Photo taken by Chinkin.
Mitzi, Chica, Me, and Coco
From Pajama Party to Swimming Party
7.01.2004
AT FIRST SIGHT
I had once felt that way about someone. And today, I remembered him. It's funny how the pressing need inside me has not subsided despite time and distance.
Actually, I'm not sure what I miss: him or the feeling. Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I just like the poetic sensation. Maybe I'm just really a drama queen. Maybe it's just really him, plain and simple. HIM. HIM. HIM.
But then again, I preferred longing for him while he was still within my midst as compared to longing for him now. Now, it's seems like a regular case of missing someone because the person is away. It's so much different missing someone who is right in front of you. That kind of missing transcends the physical; it is an emotional and spiritual yearning. So romantic. It's the kind that elates you while torturing you at the same time. You can't explain it. You can't understand it. It's totally crazy! Just the same, you crave for it. Why? Because it's what your being dictates and for you not to follow is to deny yourself.
It's really very complicated. I'm getting confused. I'm not sure if I'm even making sense. I just wanted to share. This blog is some kind of therapy for me. I can say things I otherwise would not be able to express. The bottomline: I like the fascination he enthused within me and I cling on to that because it makes me feel alive. He makes me feel alive.
Anyway, here's a little something I scribbled a while ago while thinking about him.
Tell me something true.
Tell me something great.
Tell me something no one else knows.
Tell me.
Do tell me 'coz I wanna know.
Let me know.
Please let me know.
And I will let you in.
GIRL INTERRUPTED
GIRL INTERRUPTED
Hi! I am Rachelle and this is my online journal.
Hear what I have to say. Look and see inside of me. Enter the mind of a girl, interrupted.
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