We all know what that means even without the person going into details. We have all heard something along those lines before. I've heard it so much in fact that I decided to give it a name: the romantic gray zone.

The other day, one of my friends was sharing with me how she's stuck in a romantic gray zone. She can't tell if this certain guy who is showing her some signs really likes her or he's just plain nice. I think I've sorta been an expert in decoding stuff like that (at least for other people, definitely NOT for myself, I'm as dense as dense could get) that others ask me for advice. So I'll share my insights about this...

The 411: You've just gotten to know each other and you're at that stage where there's a romantic possibility. You may be exhibiting the first symptoms of like and there's a certain "magic" when you guys are together. The people around you begin to tease the two of you because they sense something going on. The guy does many little special things for you that are hard to categorize as 'just friendly-pal thing to do' or 'wanting to impress-sorta courting' type of thing. It's really hard to read into his intentions because he is not very vocal. Pfft! A lot of guys find it hard to open up. And of course, girls for their part are usually too shy to just spit out, "Do you like me?" These gender constructs are really silly. Even though you could just say what's on your mind directly and save everyone the stress, you pragmatically can't because of all these things at work. So you go along wanting to believe what you want to believe but not really giving your heart. You're afraid to fall flat on your butt in the event that he looks at you as nothing more than a friend. He goes along doing whatever it is that he does unaware that your heart is in his teeth. It's very complicated. The two of you are caught in a muddle.

The way I see it:

POSSIBILITY 1: He does like you. There are several factors that might hold him back. Some are shyness, insecurities, or just plain ka-torpehan. Maybe the relationship has reached that point where it's already very comfortable. Introducing a new element into it like romantic interest might cause it strain he doesn't desire. The guy may be scared, wanting to preserve what you currently have. Or maybe it's just a matter of time. He could be looking for the right timing. Maybe he's building a strong foundation before he finally goes into court mode. The maybes are endless.

If we accept possibility one, the logical thing to do is encourage him if you like him and to discourage him if you don't like him. Subtlety and tact are very useful qualities here. But it's as simple as that.

POSSIBILITY 2: You are over-reading. It's nice to be happy. We all want the fairy tale we have concocted in our heads to come true. But I would advise one to be careful. You can't be sure if it's just your overactive imagination casting its spell on you. So it is good to keep your feet on the ground. Not everyone who acts nicely when around you wants to get inside your panties. So delay judgment girls! Some people are just friendly by nature. You should take it like that and be friendly in return. A good relationship doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. A lot of guy-girl friendships work very well.

Summary (The Dilemma): In short, you're really caught in between assuming or not assuming. Here's the deal. You can either assume and be wrong (product: embarrassment and hurt) or don't assume and be dense (product: if he really likes you, then you pass things up). One way or the other, you are at the losing end.

Prescription (What to do): Since assuming and being dense are dead-ends, my advice is to combine the two. Things in balance always work right. Go along, be nice, and see where things lead to BUT do not assume big things early on. Maybe this. Maybe that. Maybe. Maybe until eternity. One can speculate all he/she wants. Guess and second-guess but never know for certain. You need to base your theories and emotions on something concrete otherwise that's very problematic. You are laying your heart to be trampled on. Actually, a guy telling you the three words right out is not even enough of an assertion. It's not a sure thing. Guys may admit something but mean an all-together different thing. Apart from the words, actions are important. It is the test if he really means what he says.

Use both heart and head. You were gifted with both faculties for you to make good use of them. Situations are case to case. You know yourself the best. It's you who relates to the guy. Mix sense with faith. Learn how to use your best lights. There.

That's just what this simple girl thinks. Hope it's helpful.

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