Tita: Rachelle!!!

* We do a beso. *

Tita: Uy, tumaba ka!!! Ang taba mo na!

* She then starts pinching me. *

Me: Thank you ha. (with LOTS of sarcasm)

* She seemed to notice that I was annoyed. *

Tita: Di bale na, maganda ka pa rin naman eh. (said in her best wag-ka-na-magtampo voice)

* I smile. *

(Inside my head: Thank you ha. Bumawi ka pa, harm has been done na ano.)

Mom: Rachelle, eto si (Forgotten Relative), pinsan ng kapatid ng apo ng tito ng.... ni ano.... na ano ni ano....

Me: Hello po.

* Nagmano ako. *

[After a few minutes of chika, chika consisting of my mom telling her my school, my course, my grades, that I'm graduating, my schedule for the next two days, etcetera, the color of my panties (well, not really, but other insignificant personal stuff like that), my love for shopping, where I got the sandals the relative was eyeing, etcetera, more etcetera...]

Forgotten Relative: Iha, may boyfriend ka na ba? (said conspiratorially, as if we're close)

* I smile. I've discovered that smiling is a good way to evade uncomfortable questions. Let them think what they want to think and believe what they want to believe. Basta I neither confirmed nor denied. *

Forgotten Relative (that I really want to forget): Ano nga? Marami sigurong gwapo sa Ateneo, ano?

(Inside my head: And what makes you think that? 'Di no, hindi porke taga-Ateneo ibang breed na. Syempre I love my school pero parang all-high and mighty naman ata masyado tingin mo. Ang mga klase ng gwapo sa Ateneo gwapo by virtue of face only, money only, or face and money only. Walang masyadong totoong gwapo as in beautiful spirit. Kung mayroon man, mukhang nagtatago sa akin or taken na.)

Me: Ay, ma, kailangan na nating bumalik.

* Pardon me but it was so much easier to say that than to say what I was thinking. I didn't want to explain and to be talked about all the more. *

What is it with relatives?

Every time there is a reunion or a dinner or whatever, they never fail to ask questions and/or make comments, sometimes unsolicited advice about:

1. your weight

2. your lovelife

Relatives can't seem to get that a person's weight and lovelife are the most private things. They think that because you share some genes they can probe into everything about you. Actually, they act like they have a right to know and say stuff. So what happens is that they are much more offensive than strangers when it comes to invading your privacy.

It makes me wonder if single, twenty or thirty something, fat, long-unseen-by-relatives girls and boys make up a huge chunk of those who commit suicide.

Relatives, weight, and lovelife simple cannot mix!