I wrote this in my diary, the tangible one that unlike Girl Interrupted no one else can read. It was past midnight and I couldn't sleep. I've just read my blog No Way Out and I was thinking. I finally figured a way out.

Actually, I'm a bit hesitant about posting this 'coz it's quite personal. But putting this up is symbolic. It's a step towards making my new resolve happen. So here goes...

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Diary Entry

Mantra
Say to self every time losing control:

I am a good person.
I am a strong person.
I believe in God. I love God.
I want a life filled with love and happiness and I am
going to make it happen.

For some reason, maybe divine intervention or positive cosmos, I started thinking about my present situation and decided that it's time for a change. Every other aspect of my life is going well except for my relationship with my sister and that one thing puts a dark cloud above everything. It's holding me back. In dad's words, its a hindrance to my full enjoyment of life.

That is simply unacceptable. I won't let it be. I won't let it affect me in any way. I'm bigger than that. I'm stronger than that. I'm smarter than that.

Looking back, all that hurt and anger brought me nowhere. In fact, it even had negative effects. My otherwise peaceful and loving relationship with my parents was slightly disturbed. (Thank goodness the bond is so strong that it's still ok despite that.) I had a lot of worries. My health was put on the line.

I do not deserve any of that. I love myself. I love my family. I love the good life that I am living.

So from now on, things are going to change. I will not let a hard-headed, unapologetic, cold-hearted, pathetic person affect me and my life.

Things I will do:

1. I won't pay her any attention. I'll even stop showing how I get a bad mood when she's around. She is not worth getting all worked up for. She is now non-existent to me.

2. I'll just forget about the incident. It's hard to forgive. I'm not capable of that yet. Especially without an apology from her. But I can manage forgetting. It will rid me of negative thoughts and emotions.

3. I will have fun and do the things I wanna do. This is my last college summer break and no one is gonna take it away from me.

I swear that from this very moment, I am adopting a healthier and happier outlook.

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It has only been a day since I wrote that and I put my new attitude into action but so far it's working. I'm less worked up. I'm happier. I am gonna win in this situation. I'll give it my all.